balarns

2006-12-29T21:24:00.000-08:00

bye-bye

im thinking i migh stop blogging next year. just a disclaimer (in the event that some people, unaware that they are 'extra-ed' in this page, would be affected in some way by the things i write): this has been me for the past 2 years. and i might be a changed person now. nicer. more understanding. wiser.

blogging was fun. for now, i will leave this page as is. catch me on my next page not soon. but promise, i'll be back.

happy new year guys!

2006-12-06T00:12:00.000-08:00

(Your Name)
in parenthesis

(Ma. Lourdes M. Tusara) hi sis! hows business? hope home is good after the storm. relax lang ha, Ma'am Lourdes. naks! bigtime. looking forward to enjoying your services. sis, i want a phone same as yours.. inaapi na ang non-bluetooth phone ko.. hehe. i miss you sis! huhu.. dami ko nang kwento since we talk and walk. love you.

(Loren M. Tusara) alangan namang di ka kasunod.. ano musta na aking alipin? make sure we get the tix ha. that chest-haired guy seem nice. hehe.. sana lang.. lord please don't make him one of us, if you know what i mean. am i sabotaging you sis again? ok quiet na. but i like him. love you little sis! goodluck sa 2D na dapat gawing 3D.

(Dianne Kristine S. Lagrimas) bes you don't even need to change to be loved. manigas sya no.. e ganda mong yan! hehe.. what are bestfriends for? love you bes!

(Joseph Arnoel P. Briz) last night, i didn't mean to hurt you. i thought we'd end up sleeping with a heavy heart but with your personality, you seem to know how to handle me quite well. i love you hun, you make me smile. thanks for understanding that your confused girl needs time.

(John Raymond M. Jimeno) yes it was all a misunderstanding. sakit mo na talaga ang pagiging matagal. e mas chill kpa sakin. hope your laundry won't get lost for that. thanks for the times, good times, bad times, hard times too.

ANG LIIT NA PALA NG MUNDO KO. SYET. miss ko na pala kayo (romila junio), (zara maria musico), (daniel beraña), (mariel andrea esparagoza). (mai alagcan and mavic de guzman) oo na dadaan na po ako sainyo. salamat sa mga pagkain. (joseph allen bernal) tigilan mo na yan, if you feel it's not healthy for you. and i'm not talking about yosi.

2006-12-02T03:00:00.000-08:00

meRRy xMas!

infrared port. lacoste red. wristwatch. laptop. digicam. vitamins supply. nice top. nike cross training shoes. mp3 player. happy feet sandals. trip to anywhere. earings. swivel usb drive.

2006-11-20T02:37:00.000-08:00

i'm coming
closer to you

moving

coming

swimming
closer to you

ahhhh.. TAKE ME TO THE BEACH!!!

2006-11-15T00:02:00.000-08:00

lower life form
not me

-sabi ni apol.. haha.. patawa. hindi kasi tayo ganun. tayo'y mga dyosa. magbbirthday na ang isang dyosa. at si raffy pa pala. may gift na ako kay raffy. PENGUIN KEYCHAIN. dun sa isang dyosa wala pa. wrapper palang ang meron dito, colorful tape at tape measure. no big gift yet. it'll be on saturday.

saturday din ang champtionship sa bowling.. akalain nyo yun TOP 4 ako sa girls players. sabi ni Cap (team captain) maglaro daw ako ng 2 games sa saturday to qualify for the individual finals. goodluck to me ha. 2 games.. in one day.. kapagod. i don't expect to qualify pero sunod nalang ako sa utos. pero sana di ako mapahiya. si kuya bing kasi pinepressure ako. pressure.. pressure..

sure na ba yung DVF natin sa saturday kambal? may bowling ako hanggang hapon. grabe napapabayaan ko na ang aking DVF.. DVF? ano yun?! wahehe.. bili pa pala tayo ng isang masarap na chocolate cake.

kelan lang e nakapila ako sa PNB to request for TCG. requirement kasi sa pagpaenrol ko. hell kanina sa init. you know.. haba ng pila. pila sa PNB, pila sa OR, pila sa TMC. pila sa sakayan ng Toki. end to end pa naman ang TMC saka PNB saka sa assessment. hirap pang tumawid sa CP Garcia. syet. sumabay pa ang mga dormers na nagbabayad for the second sem. kaya tuloy son las kwatro na patapos palang ako. photocopy ng form5 tapos bigay ng copy dito sa dorm. which reminds me ha, partial palang ang binabayad ko dito. gawd, need 3K more. ideclare ko kaya ang PC ko? hmmm... hehe.. eeeto pala e.. san ka nun? may internet pero walang PC. toinks.. ang mahal kasi ng PC. yung CP saka efan 150 lang yata each. ang PC 750 ba or 800..? kuripot ko no, mura na nga dito, chooooosy pa.

parang di yata ako gragraduate ng suma (sad face). hindi nga. pero ayus lang (happy face). for the first time, nagisip kong magforesight. sabi kasi ng director namin before "keep up the good work." akalain nyong good work na pala yung ginagawa ko sa acads. so when i compute (mayabang na ako nito... hold on tight!) so far suma standing pa naman ako. but i have 3 subjects more.. 2 this sem (knowledge management & thesis proposal), 1 next sem (thesis writing). and according to my unreliable calculation, i need to get an average of LESS THAN 1.25 on these subjects. san ka?! so yun.. suma all gone. yun ngang pinagpupuyatan kong paperssss every friday night hindi ako naambunan ng uno eto pa kayang mga higher subjects (thesis omg).. gawd tlg. kahit di ako matulog, kahit uminom ako ng maraming memory enhancer pills wiz na. hanggang dun nalang. in consolation university scholar pa rin naman ang brains ko. yuck grade conscious balarns!!! eyw.. naisip ko lang naman. nuninu...

'nung isang araw pala naghanap ako ng pellet gun sa SM. bawal pala yun. sa bangketa lang makukuha yun. sorry sis! getting one might be a challenge. advance happy birthday! enjoy & ingat ka jan sa galera.

raising heartbeats.. dugudog.. dugudog.. kasi naman kagabi naiihi nako. ayun, umihi kami ni ano sa may puno across the street of our dorm. e kung may dumaan na auto dun wala na..

naku, class na! sige prepare nako. hindi na pala ako pumasok sa work today. hinga muna ng kaunti nakakapagod talagang magpaenrol syet. and did i say nasarhan ako ng lunchbreak sa OR.. mas masarap sa office. mejo malamig. i missed the first part of our study. sana may madatnan pa ako tomorrow. kung ako lang e, magwowork nalang ako. kaso nasimulan na, kailangang tapusin. MINDSET. sana nalang 'wag kaming idismiss ng 9pm mamya.. kahit pakunswelo lang kasi first day.

2006-11-12T18:22:00.000-08:00

at aalis
magbabalik
at uuliting sabihin
na mahalin
ka't sambitin
kahit muling
masaktan

what a song... promise this week lang.

zenki i hope you can read my blog.
i hope you can read me.

let us try to understand.

2006-11-09T05:48:00.000-08:00

don't [ever fuckin'] mess with my bes

got it?!

hope i could say that right in front of you. but like i said, howcome i feel so weak when you're mad? all i could do is look away. so there, here's my blog to absorb the shock. don't ever mess with her. her calls are my phonecalls and you don't have the right to direct me to hangup only to attend to you.. and most of all, to judge my bestfriend, whom you are not in anyway acquainted with, is a BIG FOUL. true, she went all the way to paint you in good light. but with that pissing insinuation, i doubt if she'd ever root for you. she's really pissed, so if i were you next time i'm on the phone, keep out. never judge. never mess with people i care about.

got it?!

2006-10-28T05:51:00.000-07:00

character sketch(es)

happy me. will be gone for a week to be with the family in naga, to visit lolo's tomb, to check out on lola's health, to babysit migs, to take some time off.

tusara sorrority. unbreakable. bonded. souls intertwined. glad to be eachother's sis.

soul sister vane (aka lot). smart. really smart. graduating a 5-year course in something to do with what einstein know. likes to work at cannon. loves to have a digicam. saw many bats at samal island this morning. reliable. my liason and personal assistant. the reason for my being poor these days but hell i dont mind.

soul sister moane (aka den). artistic. resourceful. creates bags, sleepers, accessories and shirt designs. will manage a salon based in naga come november. my monita for 3(?) consecutive years and i love it. mother of our family's angel. nice and sweet. digs coffee and yosi at night.

bes(aka tin / now tintits).(my right) my no-matter-what bestfriend. safetynet. listener. caller. checker. deeply in love with someone right now. bothered by it but keeps on going. believes that love is a sin. YMs me even when im asleep. texts long messages saying only one thing: gustong gusto ko talaga siya bes! highly analytical when it comes to my rantings. lost many pounds, thanks to pinnacle and her inspiration. judged as lesbo because of hairstyle and sporty ways.

smolts(aka mariel / yeng).(my left) gawd - small time. dating my boyfriend's brother's friend. have some issues that need urgent attention. doesn't know what she wants. can't think straight but makes sense sometimes. slowly blooming. always on the phone i bet. may know and like medical terms and tv series now i bet. wishes to go to the beach on her nearing birthday. no she's not chinese.

ulan (aka rain). my kambal, fieldwork buddy. says my thought with structure. very vocal. very loving. very very caring. problems marc. afraid -- arent we all? office supervisor. very smart. majors in psychology. an interesting subject, sometimes i doubt she might need a shrink. most of the time she is the shrink i suppose. strong and soft person. my gateway to theory and reality.

jigs.(my left, right end) starbucks' best barista. great guitarist. loves God above all. has lots of insights. has been pursuing a girl with birthdate same as his. doesn't know when to stop. probably my guy bestfriend after michael. my sunday mass buddy many times. plans to get a community. thought once of becoming a monk.

jr.(aka j / hun / briz) my boyfriend. dances to make me feel better. great singer. ma-PR. loves big bikes and music. nurse in singapore. has many friends and connections. bad boy in high school. been involved with frat wars -- arrested in school once. has been stabbed and saved by his now bestfriend, doner. loves to party, drink and jam. very sweet and playful. knows a lot. practical. confident. true.

jay'r. my usual companion. many thought we're a pair but we're not. a frustration. a fitness instructor. a cardio coach. a widely 'crushed' teacher among screaming teens. my rescuer. loves groovin' - any dance. supported onself since high by playing basketball. ex-ncaa player. bestfriend si bitoy (of sta. lucia pba). sings well. needs more confidence boosting. loves reading sports magazine -- too much elated when he saw his pic in recent edition's content.

THERE. HERE ARE THE PEOPLE THAT MADE MY WEEK. HOPE TO FEATURE MORE SKETCHES ON FUTURE POSTS. ALSO WANT TO UP master bing (for waking me up for the tournament and for the laughs) and charles (for giving me his 2pc jolly chicken meal), BUT PIC IS NOT AVAILABLE. ANYWAY, THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING PART OF THE THINGS I DO AND THINK. THIS IS YOUR BLOG TOO.

2006-10-26T07:33:00.000-07:00

no title

i was supposed to write 19 [forbidden] questions, all addressed to jr but even before getting halfway, i realized mt boyfriend is not worth my ranting for now. besides, i'd bare myself to lots of insignificant insecurities which i might regret tomorrow or in my next life. right now, honestly my mind says, "one false move and you're out.." tapang no? pakaray ka padi. iu padi. pakshet padi. hahaha.. pardon my words, they're coming out so naturally these day. lately i've been so sinscere. (not that i am not true before all these shit(s)) no, lately i've been so transparent -- there, TRANSPARENT. you can catch me say things, do things wihtout holding back. then maybe i just got tired of fitting in, 'performing' as expected. maybe it's a sembreak syndrome -- a symbolism of being free, and of being done. excuses, excuses. bottomline: i'm in my most transparent stage. so when i complement you, you'd better be damn elated. so when i say i think i'm in love with a freak that's just what i think but it may be true since i'm in my most transparent stage. no, my boyfriend is not a freak. he's something else. he's an absentee cum **** cum ... fuck.. this (post) needs to end.

2006-10-18T03:10:00.000-07:00

mavs & mai

last night two of my three friends at the dorm gave me a few words. those were very concerned and nonjudgemental... those were constructive and real and forward-looking. being more than 5 years older than me, mai in her late 20s and mavs in.. well nevermind, they claimed they know more than i do in life. true. reality check, yeah, that's how tin calls it. and for a time, while listening to mavs and mai, i kinda have a sense of it. i felt secure exiting at room 222 last night. maybe because i'm sure that whatever happens to this looney state i'm in, i can always run to this room and cry, with these friends i refer to as my 'landlords' feeding me until i make sense out of everything again.

to mavs and mai, you may not know this space but i sure hope one day you'll read this (when all is fine, when i outgrow my being me). thank you landlords! this next song loves you two...

2006-10-12T21:48:00.000-07:00

tiN: "basta 'pag nagugutom ka, text mo lang ako.. pagnagutom ka lang ha. e kung pang-landi lang naman, 'wag na! it's a no-no-no. manigas ka!"
(or something to that effect)

'stig ka talaga bes. pero hindi [na] ako lumalandi. promise.. :) i know one post isn't enough to make up for what you did last night. thank you bes! hope your sky is painted rainbow now. dito kasi sakin umuulan. nyehe.. but don't fret, unlike you, suicide is not an option.

2006-10-11T23:01:00.000-07:00

giving everything for love is not enough

We never talked about it
Cause you never even cared
And what you really wanted
I never even had
Cause what may seem right
And what may be wrong
Seems out of sight
In this place we belong
Giving everything

Giving everything for love
I'm finding out that its not enough
Theres nothing left between you and I
I'm finding faith but losing us
When worlds collide

Together we seem perfect
A fairy tale for sure
And looking on the outside
You'd never even know
We're just not right
When compromise is wrong
Seems out of sight
In this place we belong
Giving everything

together we seem perfect.. we're just not right when compromise is wrong.. you never even cared.. what you really wanted, i never even had.. i'm finding out that's not enough.. there's nothing left between you and i. i'm finding faith but losing us.. our worlds JUST collide.

2006-10-10T05:13:00.000-07:00

'stig
(balarns, 2006)

kulang na ang 24 hours. maraming dapat gawin... minsan ayaw ko na. tahimik nalang. gitara. pero hindi. may financial report presentation sa wednesday. ma kung puwede lang kitang samahan sa st. luke's.. may meeting sa captain barbell at gigsters sa thursday. sukob ito. sukob. pati meetings tinutuhog na. usap tayo pol sa R&D habang nagsi-6sigma.. usap tayo mare sa financial habang naga-ISO. syet. kapit kamay. last two weeks. last two weeks and we're done. at eto pa: balarns... tulungan mo ako sa paper balarns.. hindi ko kaya.. para kang baby. e ang lakilaki mo naman. in fairness to you kaya mo, wala ka lang bilib sa sarili mo. i thought they teach that in basketball, hindi pala. hindi nga. hindi ako chill. kaunti nalang. just a little, magbre-breakdown nako. i swear. i want to please you all. at hindi naman ako nagrereklamo. just breathing what can happen. to add, i'm broke. will be soon.. dorm fee, enrollment, sisses fees.. kaya ko yan. uwi pa si jr. ayus lang mapera naman yun. just have to buy a little sumtin'sumtin as welcome home gift. yung desktop background ko nalang ang nagpapasaya sakin. pic niya yun.. mejo badboy pero ayus lang. hope jr is back. i miss laughing hard, dancing hiphop and singing alternatives.. stress reliever boyfriend, i need youuuuuuuuu. hwahaaaa... opening na pala ng bowling tournament sa sabado. guys, wish me luck..

2006-10-03T21:38:00.000-07:00

look at me, my depth perception must be off again. you got much closer than i thought you did. i'm in your reach. you held me in your hands

kung alam mo lang ang blog ko, lalaki siguro ulo mo. buti nalang. buti nalang si bes lang nakakaalam kung bakit kanta ng Saliva ang title ng post ko. marami na ring post dito na kung babasahin muli ay xxxx xxxxx pala. loko ka. loka ako. buti nalang. buti nalang kasagsagan na ng deadlines sa school, hindi ko xxxx xxxxxxx. partida na. hindi pa xxxx xxxxx xxxxxxx nito. loko ka kasi. loka rin ako. xxxxx xx xxxx? hindi siguro.

----
would you find it in your heart to make this go away and let me rest in pieces?

2006-10-01T22:07:00.000-07:00

F words: fall. frustrate. fail. ~don't speak bad words *^@#

Fridays had been 'something.' For two consecutive fridays now, sleeps were more than shutting one's eyes. Dreams were more than the reflections of the subconscious. I have a feeling, it's also the expression of the heart. A forwarded text reads:

when dreams do not fit our eyes, they fall and become tears...

suddenly, such simple line became very incomprehensible.

2006-09-14T21:57:00.000-07:00

Seven Songs

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your LiveJournal/blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.

[tagged by Tin]

[1] COLLIDE - HOWIE DAY: LSS as i opened my bestfriend's blog. reminds me of the movie Crash. specifically digs the line, "i'm close behind."

[2] HOME - BONETHUGS&HARMONY ft PHIL COLLINS: coz im going home tonight. Wohoooo... specifically digs the bonethugs-beat

[3] DAMAGED - TLC: "and i really, really, really care. and i really, really, really want you. and i think i'm just scared coz i don't wanna lose you. if you're really, really there then maybe you can hang through.."

[4] CANNONBALL - DAMIEN RICE: it's not hard to fall. yes, it's not hard to fall.

[5] LAZY DAISY - UP DHARMA DOWN: oh so relaxing. oh so dreamy. oh so dharma. maybe i was named daisy in my past life. i'm a lazy daisy. yeah! yeah! paint a picture in my head. sweet like candy.. i don't know why it doesn't shine in my rainbow sky everytime.. i won't take.. no-no-no.. whatever armi. even if i don't get your lyrics, i still dig the band. -dharmafan

[6] FROM MILES AWAY - THE ROCKING HORSE WINNER: "can you fly with me? through this cosmic collision. supernova. when two hearts collide shining from inside. supernova.." a december dream started with you

[7] STAY - LISA LOEB: been trying to learn the tabs with capo at 6th fret. huhu.. capo.. who'd give me capo?

[no tags as most friends have been tagged already.]

2006-09-11T21:04:00.000-07:00

9/9

[Maskom] 9/4 0833pm
[Danny] 9/8 1054am
[Ate Gem] 9/8 0412pm
[Rose] 9/9 1207am
[J] 9/9 1255am
[Bes] 9/9 0100am
[Gen] 9/9 0100am
[Joan A] 9/9 0105am
[Juls] 9/9 0123am
[Joan P] 9/9 0222am
[Mama] 9/9 0307am
[Merill] 9/9 0435am
[Jigs] 9/9 0800am
[Brizkt] 9/9 0801am
[GMA] 9/9 0812am
[Tito Arsing] 9/9 0827am
[Ma'am Mavic] 9/9 0853am
[Epol] 9/9 0900am
[Gee] 9/9 0931am
[Det] 9/9 0944am
[Myk] 9/9 1143am
[Mike] 9/9 1151am
[Arlene] 9/9 1159am
[Danny] 9/9 0132pm
[Kwini] 9/9 0147pm
[Leah] 9/9 0204pm
[Za] 9/9 0511pm
[Karen] 9/9 0702pm
[Sittie] 9/9 0757pm
[Charles] 9/9 0828pm
[Brizkt] 9/9 1017pm
[Mama] 9/9 1051pm
[GJ] 9/10 1225am
[Sam] 9/10 1250am
[Little Sis] 9/10 1255am
[Jr] 9/10 0119am
[J] 9/10 0144am
[Prime] 9/10 0436am
[Celeste] web
[Marichu] web
[Sharon] web
[Kuya Rico] 9/11 0105am
[Grace] 9/11 0817am

*special thanks to my bestfriend tin (for many many many many reasons), my little sister (for the time, sorry for the sorethroat sis!). thanks to rod, rose, polats, jed and riza for spending lunch with me. advance thanks to peter for the moved date. thanks smolts (for fetching me and for the gift), marcus (for the cake), zara, apol, ace & deb (for the gcs and passes). thanks you guys for spending dinner with me. thanks also to brizkt and romel for dropping by. thanks brizkt for that big favor you gave your little bro. the flowers made me extra happy. thanks to jr for celebrating my birthday in singapore. thanks to my family, mama, papa, big sis, little sis again ang migs for everything. thanks for celebrating my birthday at home. sure hope we (with lot) were there with you. my day was great! thank you thank you thank you!!!!

2006-09-05T18:30:00.000-07:00

lots of six

[L]et it be known that today, September 6, is our 6th monthsary. {yehey} well, i slept early before it strike 12mn so we were able to talk (brief lang) in the morning na, at 7:30am. we were like j: happy monthsary.. a: happy monthsary.. j: turog kpa? a: iu, turog pa kita.. j: cge.. i love you.a: love you too.. hehe.. two super drowsy pips.. hope he'd remember that.

[A]nd it's brizkt's birthday today. greeted him a day ahead. darn, what was i thinking.. anyway. happy birthday big bro! j has a surprise sumthn sumthn for my birthday. i guess big bro will help out. since tin, my bestfriend admitted doesn't know anything. bes, nakipag-ugnayan ka ba kay jr? hehe.. uu i forgot to ask lot.

[A]m so excited. big boss approved my leave application. il be home for 5 sweet homy days, ay 3 lang pala, for 2 days our home sweet home will be jampacked with visitors. and it's mama's birthday on the 20th. what to give for her birthday? e.. paubos na money ko. huhu.. and it's migs' birthday wednesday after that. i hope i'd get a real-nice rest. gawd i need it badly. this medication and schooling is killing me. ang tagal naman ng september 16...

[R]eality 101: gj is making me her secretary. yesterday, i went home to a dark dormitory. the entire UP had no electricity for almost an hour. afraid to pass the pit black hallway, i stayed at the lobby while waiting for sis. while waiting this guy friend told me about his dorm prospects and current fling from the marine science institute (hehe.. revelations). i can't help but ask if these girls know he has a girlfriend. this asshole friend of mine said that they don't BUT he makes it clear to everyone that there will be no feelings attached. asshole: kang inut pati smack smack sa cheeks tapos nagdemand na ako nin haluy haluy sa lips nagtugot man there goes my asshole friend. he says he'll tell me his (s)escapades .. lokoloko.. but what can i do. he's my friend, an epitome of assholeness, a proof that all guys (except a few, which i hope includes my jr) are arrogantly perverts.

[N]o, it's worse than you think. 6 asked ano yan? pampaganda ng skin? i sure hope it's that simple. this is a tiny sleeping tablet that requires lots of courage to fight that drowsy stage while doing some acad works. as in. i want this medication done. it's also affecting my mood. my dreams. my diet.

[I]n the end, 6 saw us, went with us to eat dinner. gawd, i hope he'll get out of my life, naturally. i mean, he's better than my asshole friend for admitting he loves me. alas, someone who has emotions over perversion. but gawd, he's so 'absorbing' me. he rants at stuff i can't chew, bothers me like hell, suggests thoughts i don't want to discuss here. balik ka na sa bayan mo please.. before you sip all my energies. apparently, im helping him do otherwise. pakibatukan nga ako, pleaser me.

2006-09-03T21:44:00.000-07:00

tsil.w

[1] capo
[2] ice cream
[3] swivel thumb drive
[4] generic usb infrared
[5] photo paper
[6] epson c45 ink
[7] siomai
[8] herbench lip/cheek liquid tint
[9] artwork top
[10] dvd drive
[11] breakfast
[12] wrist watch (at least 30m water resistant)
[13] pctv
[14] hair remover lotion
[15] vitamin E
[16] ascorbic acid
[17] free movie
[18] Saquijo gig
[19] 1 glass of milk
[20] flowers / balloons / cake
[21] simple little not stout *teddy* bear (with understanding eyes)
[22] prayers
[23] backpack
[24] nice dream

....112143..112143..11I6432.. 112454!

2006-08-25T00:25:00.000-07:00

ewan

JUST PLAYING PLAYFUL: mahal kita, mahal kita! hindi 'to bola. umuwi ka man lang sana, ako'y nasa langit na.

2006-08-22T21:57:00.000-07:00

passion or perversion? McShakerFries na lang...

o ayan.. gawd.. hindi ko makwento. hindi ko masabi.

-----------
bes, i think it's too early to post a wishlist. sa sept 1 nalang. just what i did last year. friends, brace yourselves!

2006-08-14T20:55:00.000-07:00

classic

hey sis! look o, i'm wearing your creation!
hey bes! look o, we're both wearing off shoulder!
hey pol! look o, your smile draws the same as your neckline!
hey za! look o, you seem standing naked!
hey sarafE! look o, you are pretty says my seatmate!
hey spoiled! look o, is that you? (asar mode)
hey raf! look o, still no hair!
hey debs! look o, still sleepy!
hey ace! look o, long hair!
hey omygad! look o, no more red strands!
hey mai! look o, it's been a while!
hey smolts! look o, wala ka! (belat!)

so how's it been? thanks misfits, bes and spoiled for dropping by.

2006-08-07T04:12:00.000-07:00

elated me

jr called. i feel maligaya not masaya. and we're ok. we turned 5 months yesterday. we're ok.

not so much work today. just viewing and youtubing and surfing.. brainstorming and shallow analyzing. some people went to Cebu for a break. this room feels a little hallow.

will have dinner with tqm groupmates in 30 minutes. and discuss on the project we've been working on. i love studying. last night i thought, to get a PhD after this one.. crazy-elated me.

i had a chat with my little sister yesterday. it was fun. she had good news but her presence made me happier. thanks for the time sis! i also called up monae's new number. tonight i plan to call again. miss you sis!

drank with two childhood friends (jigs and jovanie) last friday at timog. keWL.. drunK. kewL.. apiRrrrrr...

smoLts gave me a tarsier pouch from her trip to bohol. tarsiers got scary tails. but then when i got used to it, i felt certain comfort touching the tail.

bes called for a checkup. paranoid tin. lost balarns.. thanks bes! toast.

i'm halfway Goong -- the latest koreanovela craze we have. the story is suuuuper.. i'd scream to let this all out. the crown prince there owns a little white bear he named alfred. i love getting one for my birthday. the one which has 'understanding' eyes.

hungry na. i'd be elated to eat chicken nuggets.

2006-08-04T03:32:00.000-07:00

toobroketoevencare*

slept with Cultured Pearls' Not This Time on, in repeat mode. the sweetest line goes.. "there's a hunger, a kiss or two but not forever do . if only I'd reach you"

*read it from a script, describing this ugly girl's state after knowing her true (unrequited) love is going along well with another girl. she sat at the pavement, crying, too broke to even care.

2006-07-28T04:05:00.000-07:00

yehey, birthday!

i close this month by greeting people who became a little older: (5)kuya bing my peek to showbusiness, (10)dani my forever friend no matter what, (10)ma'am mavic my h/s math teacher turned friend, (11)joan p. my h/s bestfriend, (12)jr my boyfriend, (26)joan a. my sweetest officemate, (29)tin my bestfriend & long lost sister, (29)tita my boyfriend's mom, (31) mai my landlord cum pseudoroommate + driver + yosibuddy, and (31) juls my angelic workseatmate. Happy Birthday! long Life and Love to all of you!

*let's close this month this way. many things happened my blog can't quite catch up yet. big thanks to (& again) my sweet sorority -- love you sisses, to bes for the checkups, to jigs for the sacrifice, to smolts for uhu... i don't know yet, to gj for fixing my pc, to my roommate, to ate guard, to my masteral groupmates, to rain, lizzie, joan, lyngurl and karen, to karnal and friends -- see you guys later & jan, 5months nalang.. kaya nyo yan (smiley), to mavic & mai for the pamper -- promise i'll give you each a massage in due time, to sam, misyel, brizkt & jhuna for the texts & to all those just around there making me happy each day.

Ah! Life is beautiful. August will be prettier, i bet.

2006-07-17T03:34:00.000-07:00

i apologize, but i'm taking me with you*

moi: what is good? what is bad? pag-ugma kba good na?
jigs: dai. arog kaining yosi, enjoy magyosi pero aram ko bad siya.
moi: so where do you draw the line?
jigs: examine your conscience.. ang importante, mapanindugan mo consequence kang actions mo

[14 hours earlier]

62: may report nga ako sa pragmatism
moi: a yung what is good is practical
62: yun ba yun?
moi: ang alam ko.. yung the end justify the means
62: so hindi masama ang magnakaw basta justified
moi: ..basta good ang consequence

[12am]

jigs: masakit yan.. garo ka nagbabato ning coin sa wishing well
moi: iu ngani nakakadrain
jigs: what do you mean?
moi: garo tao ka ning tao pero mayong refill
jigs: pero db we dont give to expect something?
moi: but it's a relationship
jigs: kung sa bagay.. if there's a will..
moi: iu
jigs: ano man baga ang 30 minutes or 1 text
moi: (deep breath)
jigs: pero dai ta aram ang reason niya

[1am]

jigs: sinaluduhan ko pa naman.. dai niya deserve ang saludo ko
moi: hehehe..
jigs: i don't trust that guy.

[after 16 hours]

bes: basta nandito lang ako
moi: alam ko naman, ayaw ko lang na naddisappoint kayo sakin
bes: hindi..
moi: salamat bes

*line from UdD's We Give In Sometimes
-- a toast to jigs. bes. lot. monae. and hun, i apologize but i'm taking me with you.

2006-07-14T02:43:00.000-07:00

hold on but not too tight. take me to Singapore. [now na]

AN OPEN LETTER TO ZENKI: letter I. letters L O V E. letter U.

i feel so free, i'm sorry
i feel so free
i feel
i'm sorry, i feel so free
i'm sorry i feel
i'm sorry
i feel
i feel i'm sorry
i feel so
sorry,
free

2006-07-01T23:17:00.000-07:00

in deep shit

there. all said. what a way to start the month.

2006-06-27T04:22:00.000-07:00

friends 2

no question, my college friends have great influence on who i am now. nothing compares (ika nga) to those who really know me so well (you know who you are apol, za, smolts, dan..) miss ko na nga kayo. most of all, i miss my bestfriend, my long lost sister, my angel and diary, my besi.. tin is the nicest (understatement). i say this often and i say this forever: thank you bes. i pray you'll be ok soon. love you!

2006-06-17T19:02:00.001-07:00

friends

i'm actually having on and off fever since the other day. after i came from pangasinan to condole with my exoffice bestfriend, whose father died of emphysema. his last words to my friend were (in ilonggo) quit smoking . that night however, i saw dumlao breathing smoke more than fives time, to keep us awake. we left manila at 2pm and arrived pass 9pm. burgos is a remote town in pangasinan. along the way we tell fun, scary, heart-felt stories. they updated me on what happened to the office after i left. gracie: so may mga friends ka naman dun? balarns: oo, but not like you. everyone: aww.. touche! balarns: better.. nyehehehehehe..

seriously, i miss my neda friends. there's no bunch quite like them.

myk, grace, tin, clyde, leah, sittie, and our midget friend kuya ogos. the photo was taken last xmas party, that was probably the last time before the pangasinan trip when we became complete. i appreciated the goodness of this group more when i got to meet my new office friends.

in my office my closests are raffy (of course because we 'rigored' college together, kuya bing (because he is the closest to my closest), joan (we four go to luch together), juls ('coz she's the nicest i think), charles ('coz as a seatmate i had no choice :) no. 'coz he's true i guess, misunderstood too), and of course rain ('coz she understands and analyzes stuffs i cant process), and right now i'm getting close to the kittens (honey and ronald) for office breathers. they are a bunch of different personalities that most of the time clash. maybe it's with the office culture, maybe it's part of being true. but i'm not used to having friends talk behind eachother's back.

my neda friends are different, with them, we talk behind some 'oldies'' back :) we have to be careful though 'cos these are the same oldies who spoil us, fund our extra activities like our visit to burgos. i'm thinking maybe i haven't found the right mix yet. i dont have anyone like sittie who i drag at an instant to visit the beach, climb walls, or go to the bar. i dont have anyone like myk who is so smart and adored by everyone, attitudewise. i dont have grace who has 100% hurt-free jokes/comments. i dont have tin who offers her house to hangout to. i dont have leah who could have given me much needed advice on LDR. i dont have kuya ogos who being the staff artist gets intimidated by my skills and appreciates my being damn good at computer arts.. or so he just thought. but that made me feel good. in my old office, i had a place under the sun. i was known for something and my chair is bigger (anti-back pain).

in my new office, for six months i have learned so much. spongebob. sometimes talking gets in the way of learning so most of the times i listen and speak only when spoken to =)

i sure miss my neda friends and the oldies too. i miss going to work, being sent to a meeting prepared or not, thinking what to say to the body along the way, setting aside food for tito art, who waits till your meeting finish to drive you back to office, being around with old people but thinking the same, meeting foreigners, speaking english and japanese sometimes, receiving official phonecalls and fax messages, sending one too.

but i have moved on.

2006-06-14T07:53:00.000-07:00

Escapist

great. up dharma down was at conspiracy bar last tuesday. i finally saw them perform [note: ian without an actual drum, just buttons and headbanging beat]. it was fun, although they did not perform my now-favorite June.
mabait naman si armi, inagawan nga lang ako ng space sa frame. pero ok lang. magaling naman siyang bumirit e. made me forget stuffs. galing ng 'oo' kapag live. tlga. astig.

2006-06-09T10:14:00.000-07:00

The Chill Zone.

It's 1:30am. In 5 hours time, i should be at the assebly else power bing will rant over tardiness. Today is my first company outing with GMA. I arranged that my little sister go with me but on the last minute she backed out for another group outing she attended tonight. So i'm left with one tix to spare. I asked smolts out but she was discouraged by such early calltime plus some girl stuff cycle. She planned to meet me up at UP over the weekend instead, if not for this trip. Powerful kept on suggesting i'd bring big bro along and even promised not to tease. Well that smirk was not trustworthy at all. Although jr also suggested the same, he said i'd rather have big bro guard me 'kesa naman kung siisay lang jan maagda mo'. Nice. Not nice. It's almost two. I'm chillin', not sleeping.

I had dinner with gab and gj. There're guy cousins i meet at the dorm. Both came from where i came from so we jive along quite well. It was my first time at the Arcade, a dining place near the UP pool. Food was ok and cheap. I spent only 40 pesos (subsidized). My issue is that this gab, who i thought (and even jr though) is gay, kept on holding my hand and playing sweet around me. He even jokes gj that gj cant go 1 foot near me. Althroughout there were laughters and jokes that i'm thinking were actually halfmeant. Last night i told jr that we may be wrong about gab. He may be straight . He had a longtime relationship with a girl, which i only knew recently. When jr was still here, gab would tease us in a very gayish manner -- such a valid ground for us to believe that he is gay. But now, things are changing. I allowed him to play sweet with me, hold my hand for example since my mind says he's gay. I told everything to jr. The story made him a little jealous but i assured him it's nothing. My worry is how to be open about this to gab. He knows i'm with jr but we think he's feeling something over the matter (or so i just assume). Pierce said clasp-like holding hands are only for lovers.. hm. I am so confused about gab's motives. But at least jr knows everything. Gab is acting strange, jr is making me think and i'm chillin' time.

I'm cool. I'm cool. Repear six times. We just broke up. I don't know how long this singleness would last, but 'at press time' i am officially single. I broke up with him over text. Pardon my dear readers, i can only reveal (x) with few people but the rest went:

j text: (x)
a text: was that for me?
j text: (x)
a (no reply)
j call: (explain...)
a answer: (hmm.. hmm...only. acts disinterested/sleepy)
j say: ..cge sleep na kita.. ibaba mo na
a cuts line
a text: j i dont like what you did tonight. i dont trust you. i want out.
j text: nice makitidon man isip mo ay inda para lang kaidto bahala ka arog ka palan kayan magjudge ako mayo masyado nadangog maski may kaholding hands ka jan. ika kung yan ang gusto mo bahala ka. basta mayo akong ginigibong maraot magadan man ako ngunian o kahit sa pamilya ko. cge thanks sa gabos.
a (no reply)
j call
a (no answer)

There. We broke up and i'm chillin' at 3am.

2006-06-09T03:02:00.000-07:00

June by Up dharma Down

My eyes are seeing visions of June. The tears are falling flowing too soon. When you know there's nothing stopping the pain... nothing stopping the pain again.

2006-05-26T21:53:00.000-07:00

heY, tnX 4 luvN me.

i say i love you. you say you love me more. for whatever waiting is worth, thank you for coming into my life. i'm sorry i let you worry most of the times. luv u J *

2006-05-26T21:15:00.000-07:00

loneLy loneR

if by being lonely means having to be alone, the past few days were lonely for me. every other night i jog the oval alone. i went to have a medical test alone. i went to see the doctor alone. ate alone many times. played the guitar alone. the only time i had the chance to do something with friends was something i quitted. this week i started saying no to cigarettes. mai and mavic were there burning their lungs out while i tell stories of little importance. jogging made me think of danny, who for a time kept my pace during weekend nights. afterwhich, we'd head to jolibee for some dinner. now, i can't even finish a quarter of an oval of straight jog. i've never felt so weak alone. going to some places strange like the hospital made me think of tin, who i run to every now and then for help. this time i chose not to bother her of my petty stuffs as she's undergoing conflicts within herself. i give her time and my concerns are too little for her to worry about. she just closed her blog, which made me even more alone. she doesn't know how much i miss her. "bes, samahan mo ko sa ganito.. punta tayo sa ganyan.. oo hindi pako nakakapunta jan e.. ok what time.. bes masakit ganito ko. anong gagawin ko?... ikaw kasi eh... ehto pala.." eating lunch on weekends made me think of lot, who went home last thursday. i wish i'm home too. i so wish i'm home. weakday nights made me think of jr, who was my usual companion after work for a certain period of time. his being playful made me fall for him and we miss eachother so much. in the coming days, i'd be extra alone with the net connection being cut. effective june, every dormitory in the campus will be disconnected. the management is lobbying that graduate dorms be exempted from the memorandum but then we'll see. as for now, i feel so down, i'd burst soon.

2006-05-21T17:14:00.000-07:00

mOOnpOOLs' sOOn *

then one day SOON it's gonna happen to you. when it does, it won't be pretty. then one say SOON it's gonna happen to you. when it does, i won't be there. and i won't be anywhere close.

***

2006-05-18T17:38:00.000-07:00

tano.? ano prblema?

tano /bicol: why/

for some reason, i pressed joan's number. ring reached him before i cancelled the call. 10:30pm at that, he replied the above. i texted, 'mau, sori. nmali lang. nyt!' could he be pissed 'coz i woke him up? but knowing him, he'd be up till 2am studying. could he be a normal good guy who only asks? being his little brother's girl, have i found a brother too in him? we all want to consider the later. before, i kept on believing that joan is 2gud2btru until suddenly just as i remember, jr's picture appear on joan's number. so that's why. that's why it took seconds before i cut the call. coz i saw jr on screen. jr used his number while he's in manila. joan is still that same person i look up to but from this moment on, i will choose to believe that something more exciting came to happen with jr around.

define around. urgh..

2006-05-15T03:23:00.000-07:00

'separation anxiety' your ass!

finally, guitar is here with me. after two failed waitings, and many cursing on the side, and a drop of a tear or two, no maybe three, and a bestfriend's attempt, i finally have my guitar back. i am happy now. you go wallow on your separation anxiety as i play my songs. do you know that i was unliking you? and that ended right on my last note. C#m. there, i don't like you anymore. i hope to see you in the future, after your nursed anxiety. we may not have long walks then, we may not know eachother's dreams or guide eachother along the way but it's all good. just don't mess up with my heart again, ok?

2006-05-10T07:17:00.000-07:00

double frustrations, triple the fun

frustration 1: jigs said he'll leave my (tin's) guitar at my dorm TODAY. that was after i called to check on the guitar. he said he didn't have work today so he'll just drop by. i was about to say to him to bring the guitar with him at work, i'll be the one to pick it up. at 7pm, i was so excited to finally go home & play some ear-groovin' tabs BUT NO. i got a text at that exact moment from him which reads "ling kaipuhan mo na tlg ngunian guitar?". i replied: "yup, pls". he texted: "puwedeng sa sunday nalang? may inaasikaso xe ako e". my hopes dropped to zero. i cant do anything about it so i replied: "k".

god, i hate him.

frustration 2: it's j. right this very minute, i want out. he's doing everything but i'm not satisfied with his efforts. then it's not him, it's me. i'm so frustrated with myself. he texted me the whole time today, even called up tonight. he walked all the way from their building to the hospital to make that call. he haven't eaten dinner but he'll go to the gym. this guy is killing himself. or he wants me to show i care. last night he told stories to his friends about me. friends say i'm pretty and mabait. but why oh why do i feel empty? he says i love you more and hugtyt now. this dawn he even texted me to wake up and a line 'sabay na tayo lagi,' strucked me. supersweet, but why oh why..

god, i love him.

fun1: officemate is migrating to australia. last night we had a party for her. other officemate drove us home. we had a joyride at marikina as 2 of them live there. went home 12mn.
fun2: was done with I'm Sorry, I Love You (MISA), a 16-episode korean tv series. 'it moved me' is an understatement.
fun3: i'm marathoning Love Story in Harvard, another 16-episode korean series, now lighter and more kilig. looking forward to liking this one too. my officemate said: wala pa sa kalingkingan nito ang MISA.. you'll like it. tlg lng ha...

it's 11pm. i'll fishish Harvard's 3rd episode then sleep at 12mn. goodnight!

2006-05-08T03:30:00.000-07:00

If you ever doubt my love for you, just put your ear to my heart and listen -- it is calling your name. +Anon

Doubt. You have one? Come join me, I have tarts.

Knowing his password is hard. And you say it's sweet... No, it's hard.

Last week he had a platonic friendster conversation with his longtime past. That was clean. He greeted her on Valentines, before we met. She replied a month after, maybe after knowing he's out of the country. He gave her his number and asked if she wants to work outside. She shared his plans. She has a baby now and is living with the baby's dad. That is the reason, by the way, why he and his longtime past broke up. He told me she left a message. But as a projecting cool girl, I reacted disinterested. Until now, he haven't told me she replied, maybe for the lack of time (or because it's no biggie for him, i wish). For whatever reason, I'm feeling down. It's his fault. He led me to this, gave me his password, asked me to update his account/upload pix. And he's so open to these. He doesn't know I'm hurting to know all. But I need to, to know him more.

Last week he went to Sentosa with his friends. He sent me his pix while we were chatting and I was impressed he sent me even those sexy poses he'd rather hide. He really is open to these. Last night I checked on his yahoo and saw one pic he did not send. It's a pic of him, beside a pretty girl -- those of his type, I guess. The pic wasn't revealing anything as that was candid, they were not looking at eachother, they were plainly.. just plainly seated beside eachother. For whatever reason, I'm feeling down and it's his fault. He led me to this feeling, gave me his password, and missed to send me that one pic. I'm hurting to see the pic. But I need to, to know him more.

If ever I'm feeling insecure right now, it's because he left without us knowing eachother more deeply. I know him less unlike his new friends who spend time with him almost everyday or his old friends who spent time with him almost everyday. I'm here in between. I'm here, far here.. far away from him.

PS: Mai says it's an unconsumated relationship. And in marriage, it's a ground for divorce. ~Just a thought.

2006-05-06T20:11:00.000-07:00

Wzp?

This happened last April. We went to have an adventure at the ocean. With me are tin & Za. Ayan o may kulang.. si Apol.
Me and za under the shed. ang init ng sand.. we were getting ready to make sulong the heat..

me and bes. si bes ang official photographer namin. pinakamaganda kasi cellphone niya.

& here's my mp4, which from now all i'll name Nano.

there goes the biggest whale in the ocean adventure, doing some styles with grandmaster trainer. hanep! tumilapon sa ere.. sabay dive! we all went.. ASTIG!

eto pauwi na kami. we were part of the Citibank uting. dragged along by za. but we missed apol, that day could have been cooler with her around. thanks za and apol!

2006-04-19T17:41:00.000-07:00

Crazy for Meanings

Happy Birthday Papa, i love you!!!

Yesterday i found a cool site devoted for song interpretations. Much as I'm into melody, i make notes on the lyrics too. Stonefree's Listen is very appealing but i like it less because of the 'Please stay with me until she comes back' last line. Now i'm more conscious on song meanings. There's more to a song than the melody and when you look closer, there's more to phrases and words and pauses and stresses that listeners need to ponder on. Browsing on the posts, i found out the following meanings for some of my favorite songs:

Vindicated ~ DashboradConfessional

by LostBoyFound on 02-27-2006 @ 02:09:27 AM
its about love that should not be, the girl is married shown by the "diamond" ring or it could simple be that she is 'taken' by another or it could in fact be that he just should not be with her.

he argues with himself in the chours. he knows what he is doing is wrong but he tried to justify being with her hence "Vindicated"
"I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
swear I knew it all along
and I am flawed
but I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
the things you swore you saw yourself"

and yes "dutch_angel_moi" i know what u mean about the sexual reference and i think ur right. since he uses the term current it is a constant, uncontrolable pull with an inevitable out come that he is trying to fight and once he has slept with her there is no turning back. plus when he repeats the course AFTER the sexual references its like even after he has tooken the final step he is still unsure, he STILL has to justify himself cuz his concious is getting to him. and how his hope Still "dangles on a string" is saying that there his hope is barly hanging on, that he cant completly justify his actions...

----------------------------------
Stigmatized ~TheCalling

by enigmatic_gyration on 06-30-2003 @ 08:37:09 PM
It probably is about a gay couple, and these two lines sort of gave me that notion:

"Even God himself and the faith I knew
Shouldn't hold me back, shouldn't keep me from you"

A lot of Christian faiths do not believe gay relationships are right, and shun people who are, in fact, gay.. The lyrics above are stating that this man who used to be a part of a congregation or parish would rather be with the other man he loves, than continue with his religious journey. And he doesn't want the religion he used to be a part of to hold him back from being with the other man, just because it's wrong in their eyes.

Make sense? No? I figured. XD

Nonetheless, I usually don't think about the song relating to a gay couple when I listen to it. It's a beautiful song though, I love the lines:

"I believe in you
Even if no one understands"

The energy, and the emotion displayed in this song is truly amazing. The Calling is a wonderful band.

---------------------
Deep Inside of You ~ ThirdEyeBlind

by dnilb eye driht on 06-18-2002 @ 02:04:55 AM
this song like everysong, can have several different angles that you can view it from. currently i see this song as a plea for understanding. it is at the sad but expected end of a wonderful relationship. they connected like with eachother like no other. but fate threw them a curve ball. and they tumbled into hoplessness. but it is a biter sweet recollection of it all.

by enigmatic_gyration on 06-30-2003 @ 07:52:49 PM
I think the lyrics represent love and lust combined. As people have mentioned before, the lyric interpretations could have two meanings. It's a sexual song, yes, but it also deals with how this guy has become invloved with a girl, a very special girl at that, and how he's "deep inside of her" .. like he's feeling her emotions.

"Friends say I've changed
I don't listen cause I live to be
Deep inside of you"

It's almost as if the guy has become obsessive, and how he's changed because of the relationship with this girl. But then things started to crumble and now he's unsure of what to do.

"But then I want to call you cause I don't want to crush you,
But I feel like crushing you"

It's very sad, really. Beautiful song though.

---------------------
Angels or Devils ~ Dishwalla

by bozz24 on 03-09-2003 @ 02:42:19 AM
If you've ever experienced that feeling of going over to your boyfriend/girlfriends house while things were on the rocks you can definitely understand the feeling this artist is trying to portray. I personlly have questioned "is this the last time I will ever see this place (or person)?" another interesting point is the use of the symbols of angels and devils. The artist states that the angels they burn inside "for" us while the devils burn inside "of" us. This makes it seem as if the devils are intrinsically inside and a part of us while the angels (representing good) are and outside/exterior factor trying to work its way inside of us. Everthing else about this song is pretty obvious. One last point: The writer of this song definitley knew what he/she was writing about. No one could write such a deep emotionally charged song without experiencing in life first.

---------------------
Sleeps with Butterflies ~ToriAmos

by itsALLprogramMUSIC on 04-11-2005 @ 01:33:39 PM
Sounds like she's singing from the perspective of a woman who is in love with a man with committment problems- and she's diving in headfirst.
Is there trouble ahead
for you the acrobat?
I won't push you
unless you have a net

I think she's telling him she won't ask him for a stronger commitment- because he isn't comfortable without a safety net- an escape route.

Otherwise, lovely song. I Adore the piano and the harmonies. I love how she says "I believe I'm worth coming home to". Simple statement of self-worth. love it.

++++
Check out: http://www.songmeanings.net for more interpretations.
++++

2006-04-18T08:41:00.000-07:00

Destination Spa

this HW break, i had the chance to appreciate a different nature. instead of inhaling sea breeze (breeze.. briz.. hehe) we touched a cool cold place by the mountain, just few minute ride from our house in Naga.

this is me, straight from a sinat. the water is so calming. if you have the whole day, sleeping in that flowing fresh water is recommended. ang tubig, mas malamig pa sa linalakong dirty ice cream sa tanghali. realy very therapeutic!

e ikaw ba naman hindi kumain ng Biyernes kung di ka gutumin ng Sabado.. this is me eating taco for breakfast. got to have energy before plunging in the cold waters.

here you can do anything. kaya nga wellness zone talaga. foot scrub is best after hours stay in the water.

with my favorite pamangkin in his sumpong moment

and my inay is there too to jam with us. kewL!

so there. that's our escapades.. i so love now fresh water! next time, try also to see other nature. kasi kapag summer we always think of hitting the beach -- white sand, boat rides, henna tattoo, sun burn and that glossy-red look we call tan, corals, waves, and the likes. i too wouldn't want to end the summer without another experience of that. but there are more options, simple alternatives and all it took me was 5 hours of my day. with the right company and good food, everything else would be worthwhile.

2006-04-17T06:46:00.000-07:00

Halo-halo

*madaming bago sa dorm. mga for the summer dormers. i miss the familiar faces. was that a guy i saw along the corridor? ganito pala ang summer sa dorm, wild.

*i absented myself from work today and literally slept all day. ang sarap ng buhay kapag natutulog lang, gigising kapag di na kaya ng tyan ang gutom. babangon kapag may nagbuzz. haayy.. i miss the bum days. tomorrow is another just-another day..

*when i come to think of it, i haven't enjoyed the house this vacation. vacation cousins and a jam-packed house is way different than a vacation without visitors. i wish i have enjoyed the kubo and the duyan many times than once. i wish i have watched all 6 movies in the dvd. i wish i have watered mama's orchids. stayed outside the house longer doing nothing. i wish i have chatted with with kill longer. i wish i have one whole day with the aircon on, with a good book at hand and endless taco supply. i wish i have slept beside mama longer. having cousins come over for vacation is fun. but having one small family to enjoy during a so-short 4-day vacation could have been better. holyweek is much like September fiesta when everyone gather around the house. mommy, we need a bigger house to accomondate all these people. we need a second floor. now what i look forward most are holidays without expected vsitors, when my family could just chill, enjoy the kubo on sunday lunchtime, sleep until the sun scorches, without getting bugged out by visitors coming and going, when the house is left for us to enjoy -- much the same when we 3 were little kids. Bes knows this, my home vacation is my vacation. that's why i don't get my friends to tag along during the holidays. Sorry for this selfishness.

*J got a partime job at an agency. It's his 1st day today. JOan texted he's online. So i got in. he do clerical work for the agency. we can chat while he's at work so that's good. what's bad is when he gets hungry and skip dinner because of this job which he attends to srtaight after hospital work. I just wish everything is easier for this guy. With little effort on my part, i can see now that his intentions are true. I'm starting to love him like a real boyfriend (which should be the case, jeeeez... but his brother remains a crush, strong one at that).

*Dirtbag is coming back. Last week an unregistered number texted me a smiley. Becuase i had no load that time, i missed searching for clues on the sender. On my spare time, days after that 12am smiley text i inquired on the number but got no reply. Last thursday though i tried calling the the number to know who. The hello sounded familiar. On the count of three.. 123.. hmm Karl that's you. What actually happened was:

week earlier 12am Karl texted: (smiley)
Ling ignored text
Karl deleted Ling's number because got no reply
days after Ling texted: sorry who's this?
Ling got no reply
Ling paranoid/waiting for work off last thursday called the number
Ling: hello who's this?
Karl: who's this? ikaw ang tumawag.
Ling: no i'm asking who's this
*** after a long who's this conversation***
Ling thought it's Karl but not sure
Karl asked Kenneth for Ling's number
Karl texted: what was that?
Ling texted: i'm sorry this number texted me last week. ws just checking on the sender.
Karl texted: that's ok. I'm Noel
Ling texted: yeah i know. so that's how you get attention, by randomly sending smileys.
Karl texted: there's nothing wrong about it. kmusta na laarns?
Ling texted: im good.
***etc. etc.***

on my way to manila, dirtbag asked if i were busy. busy yes ofcourse. busy sitting on a bus. kasi.. if it's not the time it's not the time. huwag ipilit. i'm even nicer with my reactions as i should have just ignored him altogether. but life is short for grudges? no. life is short to miss out on anything. sabi nga ni te malu aka sweet serenity (nyehehe) 'dai pakaseryoso'.

*goodnight sainyo. life is good.

2006-04-12T01:35:00.000-07:00

Eh to pala!

ALTEREGO Speaking:

akalain mong bobo ka rin pala! o tumawag ka.. anong nasabi mo? walang katuturan, plain and simple: uwi ako mamya. etc.. etc.. etc. tapos hmm cge bye. fool! it's true, nabubuang ka na.. haaay ling.. pagkapatal na move. syet. and in your mind, you're not sure if it's work or it's his girl on that clear background. then a text: ling sori ha. mdyo busy xe tlga, nasa work ak ngyn sayang d kta maha2td, ingat ka po,... (sumtinsumtin) hehe.. (smiley). you planned texting back but you retracted. now you're sane. now you write about how foolish you were few minutes ago. stupid you! i'm so disappointed on you. get over.

and your oh so great boyfriend (sarcasm..?)asked you one big favor: buy something for his little sister's debut. you went: huh? seryoso ka? bf: (context clues) cake, our name, text, joan, meet, house, saturday... and all the time you were, huh? are you sure, you asked. ano ba balarns! eto pala e.. he was sure. you said ok. i can't believe you're on this ride. ba't di ka pumara. unboard. pierce, epol thought he's including you in his family. i dont know balarns, it's true. but somewhere deeper is the idea that he's using you. remember how you felt when he asked? you said to me: panguutos, strike two. the first when he asked you to change his email password, that one was second. then you shrugged it off. you even imagined being at the debut party with his family, without your oh so great boyfriend. and you cringe. yeah you did. you were cringingly shy that's why. and you hated to admit that you wanted to do that for some channeling motives. but that is not my point. panguutos strike three: he asked you to change his password again. you said: ika na, bigboy ka na. that's all you did which ended up you changing his password again to some cute/sweet set of sequenced character you two shared. on his end, he thinks he's just playing sweet to include you on family and password matters. and my end and maybe yours too, for sometimes, (on&off) he's maximizing you. ever wondered how it felt to be two persons at the same time? i did, yesterday. 1 --> you being me, 2 --> you being him here. hey don't do some denying, you gave joan cue stick bag right? so do i need to spell it for you? it's B O B O K A raised to 2. you wanted out but your heart softened when he said you're his only strength. i melted too. cmon.. life is hard there. & you cant afford to make it even more miserable for him if you let go. i just hope balarns you wake up soon.

On a lighter note, Cabbage tagged his girlfriend along. She's nice and smart. And english speaking all the time. hehe.. how did it felt coming face-to-face with the girlfriend? No. you'd rather shut up. For words are proofs of wit and you have lesser of that. So that's why he like her. Go concentrate on music balarns. Or the beach. Or your hair. You are better in so many ways. you are beautiful.

Later, we'll head home. but meet first your friends at Oyster B for a dinner. Don't forget to buy migs his converse.

2006-04-11T02:11:00.000-07:00

Hand me my guitar, please.

It's April 11 (if in case this blog does not conform with my timeframe). It's Marqui's 3xth birthday. It's one day before i go home. It's one day before Micheal's birthday. It's a tiring day. Hand me my guitar.

I woke up at the wrong side of my little bed today. Must have been the 4 yosis i took -- one while waiting for the clock to strike 730, two while ranting on Bes about J's deconstructed disinterest on me, one last before closing time with Mai at the veranda. Four. Foul. Fever. F*ck.

I just wish it would be tomorrow. I miss mama, papa, manay, migs & lot.

My new mp4 is making waves though. It's colorful, funk, and the music and that little tv they call LCD showing a music video is uhmm amazing. Oliver asked, "is that nano?" No. it's just mp4 but i love it. .amv converter anyone?

I took lunch alone today. I texted J and gladly he replied. We'll chat later, he misses me. I don't know if i do. Anyway, i told him the same coz yeah i think i do. Channeling. Channeling. Gawd.. i like you 6. Shame on me. Sorry J, sometimes I don't see any reason to hold on. (tin: ano ba bes, may gf na yun) here i go again. e ako naman may bf na a.. ba't ko pa sya like? (tin: hirap kasi sa iba hindi makuntento) silence.. or something to that effect.

Tiririt-tin beat me to billiards. 4-0, hmp. Hehe.. galeng-galeng.. to think husler na tong kalaban nya.. i remember one question i asked bes, she replied something like: 'ba't kayo ganyan? pareho kau ni epol, gusto malaman pati details'. note: nakathumbtucks siya allthroughout that dialogue. tin sana mapabilis yang pagpapagaling mo. you see i might not help you but in many ways i thought i was someone good to you. it pains me sometimes. hindi ko na din alam gagawin ko. one thing for sure: enough said. talks pamper emotions. let's eat. pool. dance. drink. kahit ano. no talk. minsan gusto ko ding mawala. basta ako, uuwi ng naga.

Tila napakatagal ng 6pm.

Smolts, pakita ka uy. J, bahala na i might lose grip. Bes, sana ok na. wag mo ng ioveranalyze please.. tama na :(sadface. Jigs, dai ako nauugma saimo. Marc, your birthday wish would depend on you. 6, i crush you! i crush you! hehe.. sana mahiling tka uli. brian, now is not the right time for i am feeling bitterness, pero konti lang. karen, jo, lyn, sana makumpleto tayo. advance happy birthday gurl!

Looking forward to goin' home. I need to find myself.

2006-04-08T19:28:00.000-07:00

Monthsary... damn, for Real?!

hahaha.. so we had it last Thursday. j called at 12am to greet me. the whole day we were texting those same lines. looking back (hehe parang kailan lang ang April 6!) that day was less-felt. celebrating your first monthsary away from eachother is way different from having both of us here or there (hehe..). actually, believing that it's 'happy monthsary' you heard on the other end was hard. by the way, it was ma and pa's wedding anniversary then. ok going back, ang bilis pala.. that's why it's hard to believe. sittie had the same swift experience too. and i was telling her what j told me before he left, "1 day = 1 year". the analogy was mushy, moreso sweet for romantics pero hindi siya totoo.. it was music to hear for me though kaya ok na rin. today though, i feel it's slipping & sleeping away. iba nga naman talaga ang nagagawa ng communication. like absence, it can make the heart grow fonder or forget. actually pareho lang yun. these past days, j is on extra tipid mode so he texts little less often. of course i understand but i can't help but shift my attention to some other things. in an hours time, we have a scheduled chat. i don't know how it will turn out. anyway, i was telling my bestfriend yesterday that i wanted to break up with j. ang hirap kaya ng LDR.. sits & pao asked: "mahal mo ba? ba't ka pumayag na long distance?" i don't know.. but in me now, love is not the issue, it's the distance. hahaha.. 1 month palang yan ha.. ask me if may 6 will be another celebration.. i don't know. jeezzz.. napakacomplicated pala nito. pano ko to ikukwento ke big sis?!

2006-04-02T17:11:00.000-07:00

Hevean-nice Day

It's the first Monday of April. I feel so on the loose. I've given up on acads and the rest of the pressures bombarding me. Strategy is not on my vocabulary now. Sige, keep em coming. Bahala na. Anyway matatapos din naman to. This weekend we'll be going to LaLuz or to anywhere near the corals and Nemos i hope. Next week i'll be going home for the holyweek. I'm so excited to tell my stories to Big Sis, sleep all day, idle time.. idle time.. i need you. Last weeken Sittie texted one great news. Sits, you may not know this site but just to reiterate, i'm so happy and kilig for you :) Last night, bes and i ate at Heaven and Eggs. I was soooo full! Thanks bes! Then i had 3 yosis, Mavs and Mai gave me 2 used packs more.. at least yun e blue seal. Addicting. Bes, sana nakapasok ka on time. Kasi.. yayaba-yaba pa. Hehe.. Smile na. I wish my encashment will be successful. Little Sis needs it for her ortho. When I woke up this morning, i was wondering if it's a weekend or a weekday. Took me 1 minute to make sure if i need to get up or what. Funny. Then I spoke with Jr who at that time when i was all fresh from bath, had just risen up from bed. His calltime is also at 8am. Hope he got to the hospital on time. We chatted yesterday. Funny story: (jr: nag iloveyou ako kay ermana.. kala ko window mo; moi: hehe.. e totoo naman. love mo naman talaga si jona; jr: hehe nakakaribong kaya. dakul kamong kchat ko; moi: o magiloveyou ka din sa mama mo) Hehe.. mama's girl. Miss ko tuloy si mama. Mama made me supplemental holder of credit card. Good, just when i hold myself from getting one. Wish me luck. Sana nacrecreditcard ang tuition. I'd be very glad. Damn, i need scholarship. I was telling pierce/loh/uncle, my friend from Singapore/Dondon's big brother (Dondon: high schoolmate who is not aware that i am friends with his brother Val) that my only bisyo is my acads. Kelan pa kaya naging bisyo ang acads.. Ngayon. sa mga panahong ito. Ubos na pera ko sa acads. I also thought my friends spend money for their bisyos like food, clothes, travel, gadgets. I spend my money for acads. So there, for that, bisyo din ang acads. My friends (tin, epol, zara, daniel) bragged me as spoiled coz most of the time i need them and they're always there to the rescue. And all i can do is to say thankyou. grabe nakakahiya pala. I'm so needing. I told tin last night, if they spoil me, i mihgt not give them back the spoiling but i spoil others too. give and take, im not all take. and these friends are not the needing type. they almost got everything and i look up to them. super bait. thanks guys, mwah. ugotmetoo. Dito lang ako, kung kelangan nyo ng kwento. On smolts, seeming drawing-mode, i guess i beach-day wouldn't be enough for the talks. Ano ba smolts, nakakapikon na ang drawing mo. Hehe pero sige take your time. I forgot Micheal Dumlao's birthday. Hay myk sorry, busy. belated happy birthday. Ok, off to work. There bes, pol, za, nagpost nako. 'Yung Patrick story share nyo nman. Goodmorning to you all!

2006-03-27T03:12:00.000-08:00

Thanks
Bes!

Your post is a good first-thing-in-the-morning read today. You know I love you and I got your back, all the time. Cheers to a lifetime bestfriendship!!!

2006-03-08T23:47:00.000-08:00

In Fairness

I'm really into Stigmatized. It's 3am Sunday March 26? not sure. Basta it's 3am. Bes texted she's having fun outside with her friends. Smolts is coming over tomorrow. Jr called twice tonight. The first time he was at the park with his friend and he said he's telling his friend about me. The second time he was outside the house. He can't sleep. Well maybe he's asleep now. I hope.

We finished our report on the oil industry tonight. Dr. Dayco gave a quite inspiring course closing remarks. He wished we'd be entrepreneur in the future. I don't know. I bought a bottle of House of Vanity perfume. It's a special perfume line by my classmates. It smells good. I bought the Masculine Charm instead of the Schoolgirl Flirt. MC smells better and i think even a girl can use it. The perfume is my advance present to myself for the coming sem end.

I need to send my laundry to Philcoa tomorrow (today) else I won't have something decent to wear next week. I need to give Sis' advance payment for dorm tomorrow (today). Tin asked if I could come by their house, they'll have frenchfries treat in the afternoon. I'll meet up with Smolts first.

tease me.. by holding out your hand... then leave me..or take me as i am.... that's my favorite line so far

I saw Brian's pictures at friendster. He seem happy. They look happy. Oh well, i'm happy too. Ebribady hapi. hahaha.. and I even forgot it was his birthday. Even dirtbag's birthday I totally forgot. hmmm well.. i'm happy

Another rundown of things to do (pardon me for this): 251 write-up, VAS write-up, foresight, 25rxn papers, yasaki-torre paper, 281 report. just these and i'm done with the sem. happy... summer is fun

nakakaaddict pala ang surveys sa friendsters.. hahaha

i miss my guitar. alterego: stupid ka kasi! mai said, "ginagamit na yun na panligaw sa iba!" i don't care. mavs asked, "o ano sinagot ka na ba?" moi: smirked.. alterego: hehe kung alam nyo lang... i gave the girls/landladies (because i'm always at their room) pizza last night. the pizza was Peter's treat for reasons I am not aware of. basta nag-uwi ako para sa mga friends ko. tita che treated rose and i to chef de angelo. more than anything, i miss jr. akalain nyo...???? hehe

On my way to Dapitan to meet jr on his last night, a guy boarded the backseat of the fx i was at. kami lang dalawa sa hulihan. He pay and said sa Lacson. great, Lacson din ako. If he unboards, i will follow. Aba'y hindi nya pal aalam ang Lacson so I asked the manong driver if the current stop was Lacson. It was. I unboarded. He followed. During the ride, this guy i noticed was looking at me in scrutiny?.. He's decent looking. even carries 2 cellphones and i guess that was a laptop in teh blackbag. He followed me "hindi kasi ako familiar dito, taga-makati ako" moi: ako din e, tagaqc kasi ako. "dito na ba Lacson?" moi: (points at the very big Lacson signage at crossroads) "a ako nga pala si Gabby. ikaw?" moi: ling "may i get your number, my activity kasi kami sa the fort" moi: (noticed he's wearing a car racer's shirt) no wag nalang. "a ok" moi: sige ingat. i entered the jeep. he hailed a cab.

I met jr's mom. cool, parang si jr. hehe.. nagyoyosi saka nagkakape. she's a nurse and professor. basta madaming work kaya busy palagi. i also met joan/brzkt, jr's brother. i don't know how to call him kasi sa highschool before, to me they're both briz. so when he entered, he looked at me. he asked "kamusta?" moi: uy! (for the lack of better name) eto ok lang. that's it. we watched poker game till end.

Jr and i played billiards on our way to a convenient store to buy some emergency stuffs, drinks, etc. I lost of course, husler pala siya... hehe..but i almost win everytime.

Bes got a tattoo. I was thinking of having one too. Or a tongue pierce.. yun nalang kaya.. after my dentist remove my braces this month.. si joan pimentel saka joan na brzkt may ganun

i miss karen manzano & micheal prima. i need to see them

am i feeling sleepy? it's 3:30 am.

2006-03-02T02:52:00.000-08:00

Five Facts

FACT 1. I sleep pass 12mn. I wake up 6am. At an average, I sleep 5 hours a day. In the morning, at around 9am, I feel sleepy. In the afternoon, around 2am, I sleep in every blink.

FACT 2. I think I won't get through with second semester. Just a run down of things to do (regardless of soon deadlines): Proton paper and report, Legal aspect reaction, business plan write-up, 25 reaction papers, company analysis write-up, foresight paper, 281 short papers.. among others.

FACT 3. Today I feel like quitting job. Sleep. Reflect on some recurring what ifs. Transfer work station. Procure VHS player. Open a cheque account. Go to Singapore.

FACT 4. While we were talking he said, "Daaaaaaaaaammmmmmmn!" I thought that was offensive. Then he followed it with, "You're beautiful." Sinong linoko mo? Magtigil ka nga...

FACT 5. I need supplements.

2006-02-21T04:40:00.000-08:00

Shawarma Large

it's 9pm. i should have still been at school if not for that fateful (faithful) announcement that we won't be having class tonight. make up class on thursday. but i won't come. sure, i won't come.

it's 9. i can be at mav's and mai's room doing that 'this next song moment. i'm learning tabs. i know now how to play 'wag nalang kaya all with the help of mai. mavs on the other hand, just lie there, waiting for her cue to sing. i don't have a roommate yet so i roomhop every now and then to rm222 to spend time. unfortunately, i realized im spending too much time there that i skip my paper-session. so here i am in my room. not yet starting with my papers. but sitting infront of my pc is a start.

it's 9. ok, i'll drop by.

2006-02-21T04:16:00.000-08:00

My Johari
balarns.

Arena

(known to self and others)

idealistic, independent, observant

Blind Spot

(known only to others)

adaptable, cheerful, confident, dependable, friendly, giving, happy, ingenious, intelligent, kind, knowledgeable, loving, searching, sensible, sentimental, silly, spontaneous, wise

Façade

(known only to self)

complex, logical, reflective

Unknown

(known to nobody)

able, accepting, bold, brave, calm, caring, clever, dignified, energetic, extroverted, helpful, introverted, mature, modest, nervous, organised, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, relaxed, religious, responsive, self-assertive, self-conscious, shy, sympathetic, tense, trustworthy, warm, witty

Dominant Traits

66% of people agree that balarns is independent

All Percentages

able (0%) accepting (0%) adaptable (16%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (0%) cheerful (50%) clever (0%) complex (0%) confident (16%) dependable (16%) dignified (0%) energetic (0%) extroverted (0%) friendly (33%) giving (16%) happy (16%) helpful (0%) idealistic (16%) independent (66%) ingenious (16%) intelligent (50%) introverted (0%) kind (16%) knowledgeable (16%) logical (0%) loving (33%) mature (0%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (16%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (0%) searching (50%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (16%) sentimental (16%) shy (0%) silly (16%) spontaneous (16%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (0%) warm (0%) wise (33%) witty (0%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 21.2.2006, using data from 6 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view balarns's full data.

2006-02-20T14:20:00.000-08:00

Amuse me. You don't know me that well.
this is a mind game. ironically, my mental abilities are not triggered at all. instead i wait and see how it slowly pains my emotion, stealthily.. stealthily. and you probably wouldn't know that. because you look at me decosntructing, not feeling. i do feel sometimes, and everytime i feel, it crushes my heart to finally realize that you are not the same. i am not the same. Shrewd. Screwed. Should. amuse me. you are not blamed for who you are now. amuse me. i know you too much to know you don't know me that well.

2006-02-02T02:16:00.000-08:00

Major.
You see, there've been a lot going on lately.. new job at GMA, new place to stay, take-off of acads demands, new people met, new heartache (**), same old sorority but something's new -- i still can't figure out exactly, new dreams for my sis, new friends, new PC.. i'm even trying to redesign this blog but i don't have the time yet.

Yes, I miss you too.. (you readers you)..

2005-12-09T20:17:00.000-08:00

some thoughts i ate

*i thought i'm gonna like this office forever, or longer but i was wrong. next year i'd be starting a new life in another office. i don't see any light yet, i just have to hope for something better than this. still i love some people here, that's not discounted but things are different. butterflies float, hyenas leap, i run for a safer paasteur.

*i thought i won't be friends with these once volleyball then-mean-players but i was wrong. i got along well with ambie when we went to galera. mavic now is my dormate at ipil. she's probably the only person i know there, next to my always absent roomie. the person i once/twice (ok many times) rant about over smolt's listening, smirking (if possible only) ears, is now my friend. she asked me to join her and her roomie on their next tennis practice. hmm i've never done tennis. ay oo nga pala.. sporty spice. hehe.. sporty spice. she invited us (w/ sittie) to go with her to baguio, to sorsogon. we had a lot of plans actually but galera was the only one that materialized, and she wasn't there. too bad. smolts, i think she is now forgiven for crumpling my 'dream'. things are fine now.

*i thought i had money but i was wrong. the office held my last month salary in lieu of my resignation. goodnews: i'l have a big sum of money by january. badnews: it's december, it's christmas. i can't do anything about this one but exhale, syet.

*i thought frienships i build are forever but i was wrong. some come, and some go. im crossing my fingers for those who go to come again. hay.. life is fair.

*i thought id never get a flat one but i was wrong. hehe... wooo hangin! i requested a TCG of my masters, as required by my new employer. i feel a little high when i see the line "Ms. Tusara has completed 9 academic units in the Masters of Technology Management (MTM) program and has a General Weighted Average of 1.00" hmmmmmmmm.... feels good.

2005-12-01T19:37:00.000-08:00

... a decEmber dReaM
*from the Rocking Horse Winner*

From Miles Away
with every touch i melt into the snow.
can you feel it?
from rooftops see where dreams will lead.
another life far from here, see it in your eyes, the stars lie there.
can you fly with me?
through this cosmic collision. super nova.
when two hearts collide, shining from inside.
i feel it, in every word you say.
you'll be my star.
just like a stellar transmission from miles away.
so take a ride with me out there.
leave it all behind.
a december dream started with you.
can you hear me calling you?
fall into your arms.
take you away from here.
super. nova. quiet.
hold on. breathe in. exhale.
can you feel it?
steady. in motion fly.
can you feel us?
we're about to super nova.

2005-11-22T03:02:00.000-08:00

pst, galera tayo bukas..
it happened so fast: 18November morning, we finalized the plan; afternoon i texted pips to come; at night we found ourselves packing; early morning the following day, we head to Batangas pier; and the rest, you see here..

we had a blast saturday night..

i was actually planning not to go, good that smolts said ok. it was some sort of my birthday treat (ie the opportunity to go to galera) to her.

we also met up with ace..

grabe ang saya.. overwhelmed pako. pagdi na saka ko ikwento. hehe.. i don't know where to start yet.

2005-11-16T17:30:00.000-08:00

he is just not into you
here's a peak of that always-out-of-stock book on women's liberization -- such a nice worldview on how we should deal with misconstrued actions and events. i lifted the 'What you should have learned in this chapter' parts. Read on: He is just not into you by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo.

1What You Should Have Learned in This Chapter
l An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of “ruining the friendship.”
l Don’t get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he’ll do the asking.
l If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
l Just because you like to lead doesn’t mean he wants to dance. Some traditions are born of
nature and last through time for a reason.
l “Hey, let’s meet at so-and-so’s party/any bar/friend’s house” is not a date. Even if you live in
New York.
l Men don’t forget how much they like you. So put down the phone.
l You are good enough to be asked out.

2What You Should Have Learned in This Chapter
l If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind.
l If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do
He’sJustNotThatIntoYou
the same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you.
l Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do.
l If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a
reccurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs.
l “Busy” is another word for “asshole.” “Asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating.
l You deserve a fucking phone call.

3What You Should Have Learned in This Chapter
l Guys tell you how they feel even if you refuse to listen or believe them. “I don’t want to be in
a serious relationship” truly means “I don’t want to be in a serious relationship with you” or
“I’m not sure that you’re the one.” (Sorry.)
l Better than nothing is not good enough for you!
l If you don’t know where the relationship is going, it’s okay to pull over and ask.
l Murky? Not good.
l There’s a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he’s your boyfriend. Quit goofing
around and go find him.

4What You Should Have Learned in This Chapter
l People tell you who they are all the time. When a man says he can’t be monogamous, you
should believe him.
l Companionship is wonderful, but companionship with sex is even better. Call a spade a spade
or, more fittingly, a friend a friend, and go find yourself a friend that can’t keep his hands off
you.
l Your lost self-esteem may take longer to find than a new boyfriend, so prioritize accordingly.
l If you’re tempted to spend countless nights just cuddling with someone, buy a puppy.
l There’s someone out there that does want to have sex with you, hot stuff.

5What You Should Have Learned in This Chapter
l There is no excuse for cheating. Let me say it again. There is no excuse for cheating. Now you
say it. There is no excuse for cheating.
l Your only responsibility in someone else’s lapse in judgment is to yourself.
l Cheating is cheating. It doesn’t matter whom it was with or how many times it happened.
l Cheating gets easier every time it’s done. It’s only hard the first time, when one feels the sting
of morality and the guilt of betraying someone’s trust.
l Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.)
l A cheater only cheats himself, because he doesn’t get to be with you

6What You Should Have Learned in This Chapter
l It doesn’t count unless he says it when he’s sober. An “I Love You” (or any semblance
thereof) while under the influence of anything stronger than grape juice won’t hold up in court
or in life.
l Drinking and drug use are not a path to one’s innermost feelings. Otherwise people wouldn’t
smash empty beer cans against their skulls or stick their fingers in fire to see if they can feel
anything.
l If he only wants to see you, talk to you, have sex with you, etc., when he’s inebriated, it ain’t
love—it’s sport.
l Bad boys are actually bad.
l You deserve to be with someone who doesn’t have to get loaded to be around you.

7What You Should Have Learned in This Chapter
l “Doesn’t want to get married” and “Doesn’t want to get married to me” are very different
things. Be sure about which category he falls under.
l If you have different views about marriage, what else are you not on the same page about?
Time to take inventory.
l If you don’t feel like you’re rushing, why are you waiting?
l Nikki is crazy.
l There’s a guy out there who wants to marry you.

8What You Should Have Learned in This Chapter
l You can’t talk your way out of a breakup. It is not up for discussion. A breakup is a definitive
action, not a democratic one.
l Breakup sex still means you’re broken up.
l Cut him off. Let him miss you.
l He doesn’t need to be reminded that you’re great.
l He can take care of his cat.
l “Classy” doesn’t “break into his answering machine.”
l There’s a guy out there who’s going to be really happy that you didn’t get back together with
your crappy ex-boyfriend.

9What You Should Have Learned in This Chapter
l He might be lying in the hospital with amnesia, but more likely he’s just not that into you.
l No answer is your answer.
l Don’t give him the chance to reject you again.
l Let his mother yell at him. You’re too busy.
l There’s no mystery—he’s gone and he wasn’t good enough for you.

10What You Should Have Learned in This Chapter
l He’s married.
l Unless he’s all yours, he’s still hers.
l There are cool, loving single men in the world. Find one of them to go out with.
l If a guy is yelling about his ex-wife or crying over his last girlfriend, try to find someone else
to take you to the movies.
l He’s married.
l Don’t be that girl.
l You are not easily forgotten. Let him find you when he’s ready.

11What You Should Have Learned in This Chapter
l Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.
l You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time. (You have to be nice to them,
too.)
l There’s never a reason to shout at someone unless they are in imminent danger.
l Freaks should remain at the circus, not in your apartment.
l You already have one asshole. You don’t need another.
l Make a space in your life for the glorious things you deserve.
l Have faith. What other choice is there?

intrigued? grab a copy of the book.

About the Authors
Comedian Greg Behrendt was a consultant for three consecutive seasons on Sex and the City. His acclaimed stand-up comedy has been seen on HBO, Comedy Central Presents…, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Late Show with David Letterman, and Late Night with Conan O’Brien. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife and daughter. Liz Tuccillo was an executive story editor of HBO’s Emmy-winning Sex and the City and has also written for Off Broadway. She is currently living and dating in New York City.

2005-11-13T20:25:00.000-08:00

November_Post.
just to keep you guys posted. here's what happened to balarns this month, so far:

1Nov: got into an accident. took this as a secret to my sisses until now. so now you know.. *dai magsumbong kina mama ta hilom naman..* it was november one. i got bored at Bula so i decided to meet up with friends at Naga. i kinda enjoyed the stay that i forgot to keep track on the time. by 9pm, there was no fx anymore plying back to Bula. only jeep available was Pili bound. the barker advised me not to proceed dakul pating burat ngunian mam. so plan B: i texted my friends (ate malu & ate re) to drive me to Pili. at Pili, there were no jeeps on sight so we went straight to Bula. on the way, i kept on saying "sori. sori.. sori hasel" the road was slippery bcoz of the heavy rain. slippery road + rough road = trouble. the rest wast history. i got a bruise at my hips.. pasa2 all over the body and a deep wound at my right palm. ate re also had wounds at the elbow but ate malu got the worst blow, she had a super open wound on her right foot, which practically bled for weeks! with the blood all over us, (i the only one not wearing a helmet), we proceed to downtown Bula where they left me. i was so guilty for asking them to drive me home. at home i had all the excuses for them not to know or even ask. that night i couldn't sleep because of the bruises. i was also worried coz all my wounds had sand and i couldn't get them out through water and safeguard. it was only in the morning when i finaly sanitized my wounds with agua oxinada. the pain was HEAPs HEAPS heaPS but i couldn't cry...

2Nov: ate malu visited me to check on my wounds. migs saw our wound and asked why. he said paparahayun na yan ni Jesus.then he also let me see his little wound on his foot. sweeeeet.

* after the accident i felt a little disabled, moreso ate malu who cannot walk properly for days. just last week she went back to the hospital to have a shot for anti-tetanus. her medications are costly all for that accident. now i feel guilty again. true, it is in difficult situations you'll see who your friends are and how true they are to you. with the accident i felt extra close to these people.*

i also had so much bonding time with my sisses. my favorite was when we went to a cheap bumpcar ride at LCC. that was fun.. another unforgetable moment was when mama gave me a sample make-up from the products that they sell. i liked the eyeliner but i hated the lipstick color and the dark eye shadow.

10Nov: registration for second sem. i went to school to enlist my subjects for the second semester. i took *strategic planning, *competitive strategy and *financial analysis. good news came when i got my class cards, i had all flat one for my first semester's subjects ie *management overview, *marekting, *project management. hehe.. lucky! lucky! me! dr ed gave me a 100 for our final exam -- the one i violated the rules on +do not write at the back and i will give point deductions to handwritings i don't understand+.. hehe.. but still he gave me a perfect score. dr P though did not return the precious, blood sucking reaction papers. i don't plan to get another landslide uno this semester, i'm just glad at least i have three unos to pull my grades up this SY. thanks friendly friends for helping me out: bes, epol, zara, smolts, dan.. i owe you bigtime.

now, i'm back to work. back to this hell. how i wish i'd be a full-time student once again.. with no work worries. za, condolences pala. bday na ni smolts sa friday.

2005-10-31T02:53:00.000-08:00

smitten & giddy?.. bulok! san galing 'yun?
just read an article today. it's about some people seeing things not as what it seems. and the author, being the 'spokesperson' of the mainsteam regard these people to be 'duped'. i say, true, 'everything is fluid and ambiguous' but there is no reason for the infatuated to be culled out from his so-called reality. kung san sya masaya, pabayaan nyo na. dreamers are not losers. dreaming is not being duped. dreaming is not making an ass of onself. a dream is only but a dream. and if that what makes a person elated, more smitten and giddy then so be it. i am being defensive here. my bestfriend might have some explaining to do. i'm in a rage.

2005-10-28T13:07:00.000-07:00

Crazy.
there's this song, keeps playing in my head. an a cappella rendition of Crush. got the song from the Voices Collection.. you know, the choir-like genre hit two years ago..(debi and her group Concert Chorus sang Tatooed on My Mind the same way) but this song, Crush is so good to hear. only that, the only word i understand is "crazy". crazy.. crazy.. crazy..

smolts texted a forwarded message yesterday@430: always rmember dat God mkes hapy endings. if its not hapy, den its not d end. if ur luv dsnt work wd dat person, it just means dat... sum1 else luvs u more..Ü this has been the cause of another debate between me and smolts. we're taking the message (& that from chimp, of course) on different perspectives. on my end, i just want her to see all sides, including the paranoia angle.

sittie texted me last night@1030: my grandma alwys 2ld me dt we cud nvr measure r welth by money, but by r frends. how i wis she met u.. so she'd c.. how rich i turnd out 2b. =) sweet. minsan lang kasi tong magtext. bet gutom kasi ramadan. walang magawa kaya nagtetext nalang.

joan texted too this noon@1230: pno pg hwak mo kamay ko at ng mahal mo, tpos napuwing mata mo cnong bi2tawan mo? wag mo nlng sagutin ako ang bi2taw pra hipan ang mata mo. sweet. miss ko na kamo jo.

but this one's the best. it's from EpolAppLe (di ko talaga cya maget-over Pol kaya ko ipopost): cno yang frnd mo na ngsasabi na ano meron sya na wala ka, bugbugn natn c/o zara sya na dw bhala. bgay ka lng ng gosignal. patawa talaga kayo, war freak pa. hehe..

2005-10-27T11:02:00.000-07:00

some quick replies
& this oh..so..
sad *understatement***
day

*EpoLAppLe: on your morning text ~ hehe.. tapos na yun & this 'myfriend' i was referring to is a stranger /or so i want to believe so/. good to know though that you and Za got my back. padangat ko kamo mga bestfriends ko.. **two kisses

*SmoLts&EpoLAppLe&Za: sorry guys, Naga nako sa weekend. enjoy EK without me.

*DanyeL: ibibilin ko sayo ang lanai ngayong Linggo at sa mga susunod pa. ika na bahala. may bilin ka? i might drop by Baao this long long weekends.

*Karen: your text about life and everything is truly inspiring. i'll meet you soon.

*Lyn&Joan: pass muna ako tomorrow night. gimmik kayo jan.. basta ako uuwi, gigimik sa lupang sinilangan.. harhar.. with Karen. phonepatch nalang tayo. miss ko na kamo 'migas.

*Besi: pagaling ka. hindi nadadaan sa stresstabs ang lahat. may namamatay sa stress kaya ingat. you are not invincible my bestestfriend. you are but human who needs rest.

*RonaLd: salamat sa libre sa jeep. haha.. ang cute-cute-cute mo.. tabachingching.. hehe.. visited your blog also. hay naku, drama king! magcreate ba ng issue, tuloy nabrokenhearted ka. good it's ok now.

This day is another punch at my gut. Masakit (another understatement). Buti nalang *v*r#**t* nako. But then again i still saw the unbearable. f*ckeRday! can't wait for tomorrow though, and the next day, and the following day and the next and so on. Can you just torture me more? feed me more than i could chew? can i just kill three hyenas today? promise i'll unkill them after i leave this place the soonest. soonest. what could be soonest than now soonest? i have more than one month of leave credits i could use for my transition. but to exit gracefuly i think i needed to pass through the Board first and it's set mid Novermber. f*cksh*t! in layman's paksyet! taena. just this morning two powerful hyenas argue about tomorrow's activity. argue, but don't count me in people, 'you unnatural, cruel, heartless!!!'

i just want to leave.

*

2005-10-26T01:08:00.000-07:00

I Hate Matchmakers
no offense to smolts, for insisting on this guy for me. good that she found out that this guy is a pervert soon before she set us up on a date. no offense to dani for teasing jigs and i, and no offense to the rest, who followed dani's lead. no offense to all those who see dirtbag and i look good together,.. or brian or his be-half. no offense to you guys coz you are my friends. you know me well enough to piss me off. Shame on those who don't. Like this person from there who was literally begging this guy to date me, worse: the begging happened right infront of me and TWICE. i felt like a total loser. as if no person would actually, wholeheartedly ask me out on a date without third party intervention. i felt so ugly and by my silence i felt like i was begging too. i don't know with these people, throwing me guys who like them (e.g. this biyatch: "e kung kayo kaya ni balarns? sige na ___, date lang naman. try nyo lang" & myfriend: "ha?! akala ko si balarns ang crush mo?! hindi ako. db si balarns?") balarns' mind: "e kung pagsasakalin ko kaya kayo. ba't nyo ko dinadamay?" these girls might not have the slightest idea that by their remarks they make me feel so little and they, i see as so condescending to throw me junks (with a sprinkle of devlish decosntruction i.e. biyatch: "wag na ako kasi hindi kita gusto. alam mo namang may bf nako. try mo nalang idate si balarns. hindi mo sya gusto pero wala e, ayoko kasi talaga sayo. pagchagaan mo nalang sya." &myfriends: "ha? ako pala ang gusto mo hindi si balarns. bakit anong meron sakin na wala ke balarns?") syet.

on a lighter note, here's a picture of our tequila night -- at back is of course sittie, & mareng lea & gracemorts and jecster.

this was taken at around 3am of 21 october. we were at spring valley (hotspring) resort in laguna. on our way there, we took some mcdo-concept photos. here go some:

all in all, the laguna trip was enlightening. i get to distinguish true from not so true friends, understandings from the judgementals, smarties from plain okeys, funnies from riders & important people from the not so-so. now, with my remaining days at work (gut-feel: i'm leaving this place), i give more attention to people who know me well. kaya, step aside you hyenas with your new-born little hyena brats, hello butterflies.. tara, let's fly, fly, fly..

2005-10-23T18:12:00.000-07:00

like a good book, i can't put this day back..

*ever felt addicted? to something, someone? coffee, scent, tv show, concept, expression, song, sport, food? well, this one i'm feeling right now is more than addiction. what could be more than that? i don't know. it's addiction++. it's like having LSS minus the song, just the addiction++. yeah tori, it's like a good book you can't put down. it's like a day you don't want to end.

**someone just called (smiling). i hope luck comes my way (crossed fingers). lord, please. sige na (clasp hands). i think i've suffered long enough..

***jigs says: enjoy the music before the song ends. good take. i hope, when i'm sure that my stay 'here' will soon end, i'll learn to enjoy my stay long enough. i mean, this place is not so bad. i have sittie, myk, a bunch of good friends, tita bobot, tito A, tita su.. etc. this place is not so bad. or i'm not just in the mood to rant again.

****i missed debi's birthday. heard twas a blast. i missed my friends too. i was telling epol (aka diwata ng kagandahan) last night that i do. hmm.. i really miss them. talked to smolts friday before i went to a long long heart-felt sleep. i was even surprised dani was there, and ace, jan, marcus, and the mainstays epol and zara. za, sorry for the missed calls. di talaga ako nagising, until it went off. i''d remind myself next time i see marc to ask about sigrund. parang bigla nalang siyang nawala sa existence ng buhay. ohwel, you know marc, he's .. 'variant'. now he's into beauty stuffs. which is good coz we (za&me) had a sample treatment bottles for our birthdays. dan, sorry was not able to show up last sunday for our 'lanai'-tambay from lunch onwards. was so tired and sleepy and drained.

2005-10-19T12:45:00.000-07:00

Balak Ko Sanang Kumambyo
I've discussed this with some of you but I want to write about this feeling for the record, for myself. So that someday, when I look back, when I made a career out of my decision, I won't feel that 'sayang' and 'what-ifs' and blame myself.. blame myself more. My direction is to make a decision. My instinct is that I'll make the wrong one. Such as in many situations, any direction is a good undertaking, as long as you do not remain in the status quo. Stagnant options cry fear. Daring options attracts the bold. Right now, I think I've nothing to lose. With no dependent, I think i can survive -- in this crazy, abrupt, weighing of the assumptions and the unknown and the most though of plunging or not plunging in. At 23, two years is something. Ask a 33 year old and he'll say otherwise. Ask a 43 year old and he'll tell you more of life than figures and theories. I tell my friends, i've never felt so lost lately. I don't know where will I be two weeks from now. I rely on fate to do the work, constantly accepting whatever comes my way. My sense of control is taking the backseat.. maybe for good. I am writing to reveal to myself that part of me is hesitant too. Balarns, you are not sure, but you think you will be happy there than here. Where is there? That's another question. Honestly, I'm still looking for 'there'. For the meantime, I stay in this status quo shit where the once held as heaven became at an instant a place thrived with more hyenas than butterflies.

2005-10-17T11:46:00.000-07:00

Tara, Rave naman...
truly, there is sunshine after every rain. my stream of sunlight started last thurday.

thursday: leave from work. do a relatively easy 201 paper due the following day. easy because of a ready-made proposal leaked by an upperclassman; got classcard from 203 -- got a flat 1. got a call from GMA7 for a job interview. prof Ed extended submission of marketing plan on tuesday.

friday: passed all 201 papers due. had fun at GMA7. boss is great. HR scheduled my exam on tuesday 830am. GMA guard says i'm pretty.. hehe.. 206 exam was hmmm.. ok. minus the industry analysis part and the *do not write at the back* violation and the *please write legibly. i will give points deduction to handwritings i don't understand* notice.. sana makapasa. had a group meeting after the exam for the markeitng plan. we had dinner at shakeys katipunan. some classmates joined us. chimp was there, peter, rod and chinx.

saturday: bum day! no work. no school. no papers.. no nothing. went to meet up with some friend at UP. talked about dilemma. talk about life. ate crsipy trios, c2, baught shawarma. marlboro gold. walked. tell jokes. ate twister combos. met Ernie the weird former kalai dormate. had a 'fight' with someone though. dala ko pa until sunday..

sunday: felt extra lazy. not wanting monday to come. but hell yeah, can't stop time. my mood is swinging left and right. not enough food. slow thinker.. hoping to get my period. saw dan, epol, zara at mcdo. tambay-tambay. called jan to greet *with utmost delight-- Happy Birthday! "ay.. di mo pa b a birthday???" hehe.. rave happened at night. grabe. yun lang.

monday: today nothing much on action. thurday-friday il be at laguna. yehey.. hope our plans for the weekend push through. my being girl started today. sabi na nga ba.. morning was hot.. kagabi pa.

'every cloud has a silver lining..

2005-10-11T02:21:00.000-07:00

tae-nang rant entries to Oh!
on second thought, can't help it.. i've to rant now. besi's blog seems colored pink. oh yeah..pink. buti ka pa bes masaya. ako hmmm.. stressed out? (euphemistic adj pa, partida). so why am i ranting? *because of the tons of reactions due on Friday *because i haven't found coconut's Consumer Price Index, which we need to valuate our product for the marketing plan, also due on Friday *because i've no time to review for my Friday exam *because work sucks *because GMA is on the news and i puke GMA. puke you GMA! *because my friends is sad and it's contagious *because i can't find the right song for the despedida video presentation *because i've a climb early saturday and i don't have time to feel excited about it.. may beach pa naman saka falls, leche ang mahal ng guide. taena 8oo *because of NIA. puwede next time magimplement naman kayo ng matinong project. taenang gobyerno to oh, naglulustay kayo ng pera ng mga tao. nagcancel nga kayo ng loan, nagcut din kayo ng scope. taena, sinong linoko nyo? *because i can't be where i wanted to be.. yeah there at lot12 block1. *because another Posadas term paper is due on Friday and shils and i have no idea yet on what to do. *because my best effort is sa-id na. *because our gate at matahimik is busted and i've to face this nunnary kick-out daughter of my landlady every night and she doesn't smile nor look at me in the eye. ba't ka ba galit? otistic! *because life is soooooo unfair, and this time, it's not on my advantage *because i want to quit work and venture and i can't do it *because i hate some people i can't mention here.. kakarmahin din kayo!!! shit you! *because i don't get what i want.. i'm expecting the worst you people, you can't hurt me more than how i feel now *because my life is going down *because i feel so damn unpretty.. my outside looks cool, my insides are blue *because jokes are halfmeant *because i can't be there for a friend *because i haven't got my cycle yet *because this person is playing loud 'muntik ng maabot ang langit' opm hit.. hallergurl.. office po ito not your fuckin room. isa pang patugtog ng kitchienadal hahampasin na kita ng 5110! earphone.. e kung incubus yan matutuwa pako kahit konti *because stupid people are stupid and plastic, kala mo kung sinong mabait.. shit ka! ewan ko sayo..

so there... i let it out. i feel a little better now..

2005-10-10T04:21:00.000-07:00

Paramdam...
haller. haller. matapos lang ang Friday.. magwawala ako.

2005-09-11T02:28:00.000-07:00

Now I Tell You What Happened

A lot.

* i woke up early around 6. arrived at the office by 8. tito Gary, our staff messenger greeted me first in the lobby. then ate Judith then tita Gina, ate Gema, ate Bel, Jecster, and so on. dami! talked to mike over the phone ~huh bat nya alam na birthday ko?? apparently chinX saw from friendster and told him~ chinX called too. i talked to my mama over the phone, through myk's cell coz you see, in case you haven't noticed, i've been "out of reached" because of my busted phone. i texted my big sis through chikka. little sis left a birthday email at 2am. epol greeted me too but not much going on in our yahoogroups. hmmm.. they were cooking.

*then gifts came pouring. myk gave me what he promised, a AA energizer battery and a surprise breakfast w/c i ate during lunch, leah gave me headbands, zara gave me a great hardbound-trace it then color it like that one in the picture book, epol gave me post its and highlight pens, besi gave me earphone, cake and batteries too. uu i forgot, jecster bought me an ice cream cone. grabe, on our way back to the office, he was ranting about that almost 30peso worth ice cream. hehe but i'm sure that was just a joke. the ice cream was good but i enjoyed more the walk.

*we had a little sumtin-sumtin for my birthday. i enjoyed it. i love my Staff.

*i cam late for school. i sat near the door if in case i decided to cut. hey, it was my day.. gimme a break. mike sat beside me and delivered this one hellofa joke: "ano daw ang mas makamandag sa kagat ng isang ahas?" answer: "edi kagat ng dalawang ahas!". hehe.. good laugh.. at break, my groupmates sang happy birthday ~yung kunwari hindi naririnig pero pinaparinig sa iba~ sabay si mike turo sakin.. ok, now chimp knew. during the second report, chimp looked backed and said, i mean whispered, i mean talked w/o sound coz i was so far away, but you can get just by the opening and closing of the mounth that he meant 'happy birthday'. i did the same in 'thank you'.

*besi and marc and jan with her boylet came to fetch me after school. we went to a veneto for a late dinner. there we met up with epol and zara. i came so disappointed with smolts for not coming. but it's ok now. i came so disappointed with dani for not coming. it'l just be ok if we go to facial together. but i don't have time now. whoever has my vitamin E please give it na. i'm growing bumps.

*that night i wonder who could have tried to reach me that day. actually i can use any of my friends' phone to check out my messages but darn.. that day was special because i didn't have a phone. i was sure karen, lyn, joan tried calling me. they always do when it's my birthday. joan especially. karen greets late, always. my parents tried calling me at 6am, mama said. ate malou, sis becks, mam nel, jigs, deng, cousins, h/s friends, college friends, orgmates, citibankers, etc. i think greeted me. i just supposed.

*the following day, i checked my friendster, JR, Karen, Celest, Briz, Steffi, Amer greeted me. Jontue left a message at YM.

*i'm still looking forward for more bday gifts. marc's order will arrive next week. big sis gift is almost made. besi still has one and some officemates would give next week. hehe... (birthday brat!)

Thank you all for making my day.

2005-09-01T21:02:00.000-07:00

BirThdaY WisHes

september na. yahoooo... it's my birthmonth and i'm turning 23. i've a lot to thank God for: my great job, my wonderful graduate studies, my crazy friends, my loving family, my peaceful pseudo-home, my weird dreams, my unique talentS, and a lot more. grabe, everything seems perfect. on my bday, i wish for my lola's long life, safety for my family, and lots of luck in work and studies. and yes, i think i'd be promoted soon, memo is out na. nyehehe.. at school, my group got 98 in class presentation, i got high grades too in the exam. bobo lang ako ng konti sa rounding off and simple algebra, but still it's ok. i have here a list of my material and not-so-material birthday wishes. some of which were committed by officemates already. friends (bes, smolts, epol, zara, telle, osang_as if, lotx, etc.. dani, marc..) and would be friends (kung magbibigay) get your pick. these are the stuff when i get would certainly make me jump with glee, sabay clap 9x. these are just cheap and mind you, very simple. hehe.. i'm posting this as requested ha:

1. (working) earphones ~yung Sony, like that one i usually borrow ke Leah
2. Veet ~wala nagmamaganda lang. bakit? birthday mo?
3. coloring booklet, kahit yung nasa bangketa lang & crayola na basic colors
4. AA battery na Energizer (c/o myk)
5. post its ~para sa readings ni dr. posadas (c/o ate gemma)
6. curlers ~yung maliliit lang ang holes (c/o gracemorts)
7. good, working pc speaker kahit hindi brandnew
8. hair conditioner and cold cream
9. beads! beads! beads! (c/o tinsel)
10. little headbands ~payat na candy color na madaling mabali
11. ice cream na nasa cone (c/o jec)
12. The OC series
13. good joke ~like sarah e's rendition of humanap ka ng panget, wag na uy.
14. working cpu ~goddess of technology sana magmilagro ka
15. goodmorning and goodnight text
16. vitamin E and vitamin C
17. phonecall from ma and pa and sis and migs
18. loud night, music and fun
19. coffee with h/s bestfriends
20. akyat bundok ~na hindi natuloy, sayang sits
21. nice dream ~Lord pagbigyan nyo na po ako. now lang.
22. wristwatch ~that of my classmate's. nagchachange ng base color from grayish blue to pinkish red.. hehe.. sana may pang-girl nun. super ganda pero bet mahal.
23. mp3 player

So there, 23 wishes for someone turning 23. Bes pick ka nalang ng something else aside from #23, although i really want it. or you may ask Dan and the guys to chip in with you. or EpolZara akin nalang si iPod. nyaha.. tutal malabo naman ang accountability nun. Smolts i suggest you give me beauty stuffs. and please, wrap them with a red japanese paper. ok thanks!

2005-08-27T02:22:00.000-07:00

Paranoia? Is that you? Kamusta naman?

This blog has List Referrers feature, which tracks referring web pages for the last 24 hours(See bottom right) so i know that e.g. today Ebudae visitors visit me too at 10 counts, Jellyfishing 20 counts, misfits 7 counts, oohlalaliz 5 counts and so on. Strange though, when I check the list of referrers Google counts to more that a hundred. Grabe naman ang google.. So i ask, madami bang naghahanap ke Balarns? Chimp might have read and is constantly checking on this blog. Haaaay.. kaya pala he seems so strange lately. O baka busy lang talaga ang school. Pero ok lang yun Chimp, ayoko na sayo/i've raised the white flag. We're all good. Ok na yun, I wish you well. Paul might have read this blog too. Stupid ka talaga Balarns. E mga computer whiz kaya ang mga yan! Syempre mahahanap ka ng mga yan eventually. I answer: I never thought they'd be interested to google me up. Jontue one time asked, nagbloblog ka ba? Oh no. Sabi ko na lang ha? (pa-simple na hindi alam).. Ikaw? He said he did before. I looked him up at blogger, and yeah, he's there. In school, especially within my 203 group and 206 class, I am vocal that I am not as techy as the rest are. I told them my college story when prof paragas asked my OS after I reported that my pc crashed. OS? what's that.. I said, P3! hahaha.. Kaya sana naman Lord please they wouldn't hunt me at cyberspace. Or if ever they (the 100+ people google users) did already, i just wanna make it clear the Chimp, we're all good; Paul, ang ganda mo kahit lalaki ka. beautiful ka talaga. That's just it; Jontue, iupdate mo na ang blog mo kasi walang ganong laman. Enough of the Dummie book. And just so you know, i hate petites. My friends know that. And i'm glad Dani's office crush is not petite, Marc's Sigrun(?) is not petite, Rafi's girl is not petite. Ang petite lang na friend ko ay si Ace. The rest I hate for personal reason(s). So yung pic ng girl na pinakita mo ay 'hindi maganda' in my opinion. Duh, how dare you ask me if the girl you like is pretty too the way i see her (it, hehe..). You should ask a guy not ME. I don't have eyes for that. Pero sige all said, bagay naman kayo. Kaya go! And Dan has his take on this but it's just between us.

Oh dear, maybe this is really just paranoia... Who elese is reading? Brian, Brian, don't tell me you've been here.

2005-08-23T22:06:00.000-07:00

Let's Go Wall Climbing...

18August2005. 7-9pm. was with sittie, tin and eric. but yup, all me there. next time sana kasama ko sina epol, zara, smolts, and tin. i realized then i'm more of a belayer than a climber. i haven't established my trust in that rope--not letting go for a rest, not letting go when belayer shouts 'let go'.. next time, il make sure i rest up there. bet maganda ng view, hindi ko nga lang naenjoy.

2005-08-22T17:05:00.000-07:00

Abort, Retry, Fail

ABORT. This entry starts on an early saturday morning. I was determined that my sister's cpu would work before the weekend ends so I could at least start with my backlog papers in my masters class(es). PCExpress katipunan opens at 9am, I was there 930. The techy guy there, names Jon, tried to reformat the cpu. Ha, tried that one too, with DOS but it didn't work. True enough, I needed a new hard disk. The cheapest available was a 20gig at 2225, 40gig is at 2725. 40gig na db.. I even made sure, "hard disk lang ba ang problema?" They'll see daw. So it's 40gig. I went home to get my atm coz that time I only had 2500 cash. On my way home, while inside a pcoa-bound jeep, my 10yo friendship surprisingly called. The conversation went:

Hello, Ling.
Hello __, what's up?
May bistado kang OB? (sad voice)
OB?
OB?
Oh, no..
None?
Why? Are you ok?
Hm, yes.
Are you sure?
(no reply)
I think sa healthway igwa.
Sain yan?
Igwa sa sm north. You want me to come with you?
(long pause) i'l try tomorrow.
Sige just call me if you need anything ha.
Ok, thanks.

That was weird. But i didn't bother to text her, I let the information sinked in first. On my way back to katipunan, I met up with my sister in UP so she could help me with the load. Sadly, Jon saw that even the motherboard and processor were also busted. He said I needed to spend more that what I have then. So pull out nalang. Good thing, he did not asked for service charge, not even a cent. I went home frustrated. The guys there advised I let them see my laptop. Maybe a laptop repair daw is cheaper than a complete overhaul of my sis' cpu.

The following day, I went to sm north to scout for cpu (brand new or second hand).. was hoping I could buy a 2500 worth second hand.. haha.. dream on. Anyway, I went there to scout. I remembered my friend. I texted her that I could come with her to the OB, to text me if she's there. I also texted jigs, who might be on board at Starbucks and Dani, my ever reliable co-mall rat. After 15minutes of staying at cyberzone, my friend texted to meet her up at the main bldg. I rushed toward her direction and when she saw me, he immediately cried! grabe, in the midst of the sunday crowd, we were there hugging, she crying. Kawawa. I tried to console her. We inquired at healthway on the consultation process. She decided she'd be back with her bf the next day. I guess she needed a listening ear more that time so we talk.

Our covnersation at Starbucks, with Jigs on the side reviewing for his soon appraisal, went serious. My friend considers abortion. She found out that she was positive just yesterday. At first I was not being pro-active by asking her about not getting emergency contraceptives and to a certain conservative extreme about why not doing it outside marriage. But I was no use. E anjan na e.. She was 70-30 abortion-baby. Her worries ranges from family acceptance to career, to financial constraints and lack of emotional attachment up to Philippine booming population (as manifested in the number of mall goers that day). That time i just let her do the weighing. Damn, she is really determined to get abortion. i caught myself saying 'it's up to you'. Told this story to crapper, he said it's just like saying you're agreeing. hmmm.. oo nga ano. suddenly i felt the guilt. oh, no. i don't want to ba an accessory to this one. thinking now, rethinking again, i still want the baby alive. i remember one of my friends sharing the same experience i have now. her childhood bestfriend was paranoid of not having her period yet. my friend shared, if ever her friend got pregnant, she'll help her out to get the best pamparegla mixture offered in Quiapo. 'sayang naman ng buhay nya no..' that time there was so much in store for her friend that she'll not let a baby take it all away from her friend. grabe, best friend material. but that time i was so hmm turned-off. yes, it's all a question of principles. basta, i felt so off. this time, i don't want to be that person to my friend. I even joked, 'alam mo pagbuntis ka na, ilalakad naman kita sa mall'. hehe.. ultimately it's her decision. i prayed she make the right one.

RETRY. after that mall thing, i rushed back home to get my laptop and chase pcexpress closing time. fortunately i arrived JIT, unfortunately the laptop was proclaimed 'Dead Set'. what's dead set? it's when it can be pakilo na at pepsi bottlers inc. hehe.. gusto nyo ng laptop? namimigay ako. that was the second time the laptop was diagnosed badly, that time, that was the worst. at least i didn't give up. on my way to molave to meet up with my sister for a sunday dinner, i thought maybe, if my friend committed abortion, side effects of whatever pampa-abort would hit her. what if.. what if for the second time she had sex and decided to keep the baby, she won't have a baby anymore. what if she have an abnormal baby.. many what ifs..

FAIL. so bottomline, none of my computers were a-ok. i failed on that one based on my target for the weekend. my friend also failed me for texting just now, that they (w/ bf) are deciding to abort the baby. as to how, the guy is in charge. ano? should i insist my principles on this? i feel so down. as in doooowwwwwwnnnnn... i need an oreo.

2005-08-18T20:44:00.000-07:00

CyberStalking Still.

Just a correction, the guy with the 3yo kid pic was not him. Turns out, he's still a friend of that bf but under another name. And get this, he used his two names. Urg, stupid me for not searching that way.. So ok, he might not have a kid, but his pic tells he's having a damn good lovelife. NO need to expound on this. I'm hurting and am raising the white flag. Nyork, karma is hitting me quite brutally.

To divert my attention to this seemingly hopeless crusade, one of my officemates told me and i quote, "alam mo ang manok pagnakatali.." but that doesn't address the issue of my evil intentions. he reassures me though that a happy couple friendster pic does not necessarily mean the same existing environment. haha.. this guy sure knows how to make me smile. I told him i read his friendster blog but he quickly denied that it's not his real blog. really now.. so he has another blog. "oo pero hindi mo mahahanap kasi walang connect sakin" this guy should know who he's talking to. after less than few minutes, there I was ,glued to my pc, reading his blog. true, his blogname does not at all relates to him but there are many ways. he's now linked to this blog if you wanna go check him out.

2005-08-17T17:39:00.000-07:00

CyberStalking.

Lately I've been a victim of cyberstalking (or so i think). My officemate told me that on one of the days of the weekend when he had nothing ELSE to do, he browsed through friendster and clicked my page. That time, I haven't erased yet my About Me section. There he read about how I defended myself from Mariel's (smolt) testimonial. He said he took some time to define context clues and made judgement on the vague lines I wrote. Much as I wanted to reiterate my rebutal now, I just leave it there. Ok, so the point was, I felt stalked. Everytime i see this officemate, my heart shouts "stalker! stalker! stalker!". Come to think of it, I would feel ok if he hasn't known anything love-related in my life. If my page contains only those revealable to my work group, somehow I might not feel stalked coz he might not have known me an inch closer. For some, stalking is relative to distance. A spy follows a stalked person with the objective of getting more information about the stalked. Whether the stalker gets new information or not, as long as the object is followed it is already stalking (even if all throughout the day for example, the stalker just watch the object sleep, thus no new information just mere admiration).In this case, it's not just about distance. I felt stalked because the person was successful in his objective. I wasn't sleeping when stalked, I was blabbering private thoughts. And I am so damn foolish to think that only my close friends read the page. Duh, friendster.. hello..#@^**=+. Ok so i deleted the About Me portion. My bad, I should have known my audience first.

But still it did not take away that stalked feeling in me. I can't get back by stalking my officemate too for two reasons, first, I am not interested in any of his activities and second, to me he is not interesting (pareho lang yun, gusto ko lang iemphasize). So i thought, to redeem myself from this cyberstalking system, i have to stalk someone interesting within the friendster circle. There's this one person soooooooooooooooooooooo interesting to me right now, so I searched for his name. Nyork.. 10+ pages, mostly from Indonesia below 20yo. Then I tried his other name. Urgx.. 10+ pages too and none fits his description. I even tried his surname and checked up to the last person from Korea but it's not him. Name search didn't work for me. But if you go try look for Balarns, ako lang yun hehe.. Some of my friends who does not know me by that name complain of not finding me at friendster. Hehe, hanapin nyo! With the many failed attempts to find this one person sooooooooooo interesting to me, i tried even more creative ways/criteria for selection and in 5minutes, I saw him there. but it was not his picture, i wasn't sure then. his picture was a 3yo baby with a caption 'nagmana sa akin'. AMP, as if the ceiling fell that very minute. May anak na cya! haaaaaaaaaaaaay.. or so i though nanaman. Just this morning, I asked my friend to ask his bf about this guy, who happens to be linked to friendster and the bf confirmed that yes it's him at friendster with that 3yo kid picture but was not sure also if he had a kid already. the only latest he knew's that he had a gf before my friend's bf left the country 2 years ago. Stalking talaga can do you no good. Now that I knew something, I'm bothered. Or maybe kinakarma lang ako.

2005-08-16T17:10:00.000-07:00

TarAGaan...

I was tagged by Osang so...

1. What are the things you enjoy doing when there's no one around you?

*daydream_nyaha..* making scribbles of encoded art* see if my teeth are pantay na_nyeorkh* stalk people in cyberspace* pray* search for the chimp_urgh, no chimp!!!* think.think * do low carbon diet +o protect motherEarth* learn A Little Bit tab* shout Superman! shout* smile/cry* SWOT analyzing smolts_oo jan ako magaling! dumagdag pa si telle, osang at zara* text bigSis swee+es+*
=i enjoy almost everything i do coz i'm a loner.=

2. What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level?

*sleeping ~to dream about you~* waking up ~to make it come true~
=i am not stressed nor pressured nor anxious. i'm just happY! so happY. happY happY happY, today.=

Ok, since I need to tag somebody (daw) so, I'm tagging telle and tin .

2005-08-11T18:54:00.000-07:00

masarap magpansit kapag umuulan

11August2005. 3pm. Office.

2005-08-10T18:53:00.000-07:00

WARNING: Long Post
(tacit, not verbatim)

ACT 1: Old Chimp but Something New (classroom.8.9.05)
shila: hindi majestic, two factors
moi: kaya naman pala.. aughh ang binasa ko yung majestic
shila: ang hirap ngang hanapan ng relevant issue e
moi: oo, take-off mo yung article pero andaming puwedeng puntahan
chimp: (enters room)
everyone from the back: oi, something new ah!!!
someone from the back: malinis! bagong gupit!
chimp: ok ba? mukha na bang tao?!
moi: (thinking: oo kasi dati chimpanzee ka. bat mo alam?)
chimp: (looks at moi and smiles)
after session 1, dr posadas still trying to point out that technical people are better managers that business or finance oriented people...
moi: (feeling bored, looks at chimp) anong nagbago sayo?
chimp: (beams)
moi: nag-gel ka ba?
chimp: hindi. (points at hair)
moi: nice.
class ends at 9pm, everyone prepares to leave...
moi: o pano na?
kath: eto collated na to, may inemail ako kanina
moi: ok yung gawa ni jee
myk: uy alam mo ba na-meet ko na parents nya
moi: really how? when? where?
myk: na-meet na din nya parents ko..
then goes myk's sprouting story...
chimp: bye.
moi: bye.
myk: (all smile) gutom ka na ba? tara kain tayo!
moi: (searches for shila, les, and jontue) wait! sabay ako senyo.
myk: ay nagmamadaling umuwi..
moi: gutom na kasi ako, may food ako sa house (kahit wala). wala naman tayong meeting db? (refers to kath) sa friday nalang. email, email. bye.
jontue: (waits by the door)

ACT 2: BB eyes (under the same sky.8.9.05)
moi: o pano tayo uuwi?
shila: magca-cab?
les: lalakarin ba?
moi: ikot ba kayo?
jontue: sabay tayo ke paul.
moi: hindi naman ikot si paul e.
chimp: (approaches with car)
moi: eto si chimp baka pa-UP.
jontue: sino si chimp.
chimp: san kayo?
moi: o jontue yan si chimp.
shila/les: vinzons, UP
chimp: sabay na. (arranges things at backseat)
moi: hinde kami na bahala.
jontue: (boards at passanger seat) akin na, hawakan ko nalang.
shila/les/moi: enters back.
chimp: 5.50 lang naman ang minimum e. (jokes)
jontue: hindi pare 6.50 na ang ikot.
moi: discounted. bakit andami mong coat dito?
chimp: hindi akin yan.
moi: sabi ni dr zamora better managers daw ang non-technical. you leave the leadership to the managers, yung technical dapat magpakatechnical nalang.
shila: oo nga contradicting sila ni posadas.
chimp/jontue: (engange in small talk)
moi: thanks, bye, ingat (unboards)
shila: magkano? ilista mo nalang ha.
jontue: sige pare salamat.
les: thank you.
moi: (stands outside, looks inside)
chimp: (rolls down window, looks at moi, smiles) bye.
moi: (smiles back) bye.

ACT 3: two factors (lobby.8.10.05)
rod: kung iisipin ano ba yung kakaopen lang na hospital dito?
paul: medical city.
rod: that's what i'm thinking also. so maybe we could have a contact of medical.
moi: dapat ba hospital din? yung article kasi db talks about the factors
rod: not necessarily hospital. ikaw? can you think of a similar case?
moi: (long pause) a.. sige medical nalang.
shila: hehe..
moi: pa-copy nalang ng files mo rod. ilan ba yan?
rod: 21mb
moi: ok here, pagkaya pa.
rod: mauubusan nako ng bat. may outlet ba?
les: ayan o.
jontue: magaassign ba tapos paghahati-hatian ang required output.
moi: report lang naman. ijava na natin. anong ginagawa mo saka ni paul?
rod: sige can we meet on a saturday? who doesn't have a class on a saturday?
moi: kami, ikaw lang naman e.
rod: no i can leave the notebook with you while im in class.
shila: db walang class next wednesday?
rod: so next wednesday? tara sino ba'ng sabay sakin? may auto ako ngayon.
shila: kami.
jontue: (to moi) o sabay ka na kay paul.
moi: hmp hindi naman ako idederecho nyan (jokes)
jontue: aba nagpaparinig o paul.
moi: hehe.. antipolo. beth san kayo?
rod: san kayo? sabay na kayo.
beth: puwede pa ba?
rod: oo naman. friends friends tayo ngayon. may dala ako. pagwala akong dala wag muna tayong magpansinan.
moi: oi pinapansin ka namin kahit carless ka ha. consultant ka nga lang.
shila/rod: hehe..
jontue: wait lang san tayo magmimeet sa wednesday?
rod: basta dun sa hindi tayo papalabasin pagubos na ang kape natin. kina jed kaya sa adb?
moi: mahirap makakuha ng pass dun.
paul: samin nalang sa office, sa teachers village.
rod: ok meet tayo ng 6 sa pcoa.
moi: sige magtetext nalang ako.
rod: ok, kakain muna kami ng 6-630. sa pcoa na ha next week.
moi: beth kanino ka sasabay?
jontue: ay akala ko pa naman date, tatlo pala kayo.
beth: ha? ke rod ako sasabay..
jontue: wag ka nang magselos beth, next week ikaw naman.
moi: nyaha.. walang pasok next week.
rod: let's go.
moi: tara paul, san ba?

ACT 4: ShadowMobile (japanvan.8.10.05)
moi: late ka no?
paul: hindi maaga ako, kumain pa nga ako e.
moi: sa labasan pa ba?
paul: oo, ang hirap ng parking pagwednesday. mga tagaBA kasi tigiisang auto.
moi: mahirap nga. kaya usually dun ka na makakapagpark. eto ba?
paul: oo, iurong ko muna.
moi: sige.
paul: mahirap dito kasi galing Japan to. right-hand drive before tapos yung signal nasa left. kaya tuloy pagnagsisignal ako yung wiper ang nagagalaw ko. tingnan mo yung sliding door nasa left.
moi: pansin ko nga. may mga ganito rin sa office. bigay ng JICA.
paul: ano ba yung JICA?
moi: Japan International.. sila yung nagdodonate ng vehicle pagtapos na yung project. hehe..
paul: ganun ba.
moi: naglagay na kayo ng ShadowMobile sa office nyo.. natuwa ng ako e, biglang nagsabit ng tarp!
paul: ahaha.. napansin mo pala. wala kasi kaming signage e.
moi: oo, ok naman e. ilan ba kayo sa company?
paul: madami naman. karamihan sa kanila taga-Naga. yung group kasi na nagdedesign taga ateneo de naga.
moi: really?????? taga Naga ako. ate ko sa ateneo de naga nagaral.
paul: o, dun ka rin ba?
moi: hindi dito nako nagcollege. pero dun ako nag highschool saka elementary. sino sino mga kilala mo? baka kilala ko. mga hs classmates ko kasi karamihan nagcomputerEng.
paul: si ano -- kilala mo? hahaha!
moi: amm hindi. hehe.. dito ako dati nagboboard (points at 9A)
paul: magkastreet lang pala tayo. dun pa kami sa bandang dulo.
moi: taga dito ka lang pala tapos yung office mo sa ibang street. may tumitira ba sa office nyo.
paul: oo yung iba nagboboard na rin dun.
moi: paul dun nalang ako bababa before ka lumiko ng street.
paul: hindi magu-uturn nalang ako sa kalayaan.
moi: mahirap kaya yun. pero sige. ang hirap kasing umuwi ng walang food. minsan nga tinutulugan ko nalang e. yung mga housemates ko pinapakain ako.
paul: nagluluto ba kayo?
moi: sila oo, ako kumakain. o db napakadependent. kaya bibili ako ngayon.
paul: pagbuksan mo sila ng delata.
moi: yun nga eh!
moi/paul: (laughs)
moi: dito na, hirap palang bumaba dito.
paul: oo mataas yan.
moi: sige paul thanks, bye.
paul: bye.

END.

2005-08-08T18:52:00.000-07:00

ini kay tita lot, ini kay tita ninang, ini kay momi -migs

It was a Black Saturday, we went to Itangon Beach at my uncle's house up the mountains of Bula. At an early gloomy morning, we enjoyed the salty water, with the bancas and some little muro amis. The place is filled with big rocks and stones (no sand!!!). Itangon is not a commercial beach, not at all attractive to beach lovers like us. But just a look away was a cove with white sand. When we saw the place from afar, our minds went.. *ting-ting-ting-ting-ting*!!! Judging by the distance, the little beach was only few minutes banca-ride away from the rough rocky beach we were enjoying that time. But we didn't pursue. It was a gloomy-rainy day and no one dared risk. I had my underwater cam with me so we took pix of ourselves under the rain, in the water. I attempted to take a picture of a school of fish hiding under the banca but the fishes were silver so the use... it's hard to have your picture taken under the sea, the water is salty, it irritates the eye, it's hard to smile underwater. but most of the pix we got were great. the picture above was taken after the adventure.

migs, my bigsis's little angel recognizes accountability at an early age of 2 (yeah, going three). my sisters and i share everything from clothes to whatever and migs would tell when he spots something used by another person, especially if it's her mom's. he'd say: "o momi baga yan.." which mean, oi that's my mommy's shirt you're wearing, off! hehe.. but we tell him, no, we asked permission. when he saw the pix, he said in toto: ini kay tita lot, ini kay tita ninang, ini kay momi referring to the feet. i so miss that kid. bata pa lang, smart na. can't wait to go home again.

2005-08-01T18:51:00.000-07:00

A-Uno de A-gosto

1. The underwater and above water photos, by the way, posted last July were care of FairyJoy and Dane. thanX Joyi... i was trying to insert your credit on the actual post but font size keeps on bugging. kaya dito nalang ha. Salamat sa endless pix, tinola, and sunblock!

2. epol thinks im funny. ok, buti naman at least may natuwa sa'kin on this first day of August. besi sent me Tori Amos' Taxi Ride mp3. nice song, i'l look for an mp3 link for this so everyone could listen. currently, im listening to dave mathew's band space between. i remember my research paper in college (comres165 maybe), where we have to study the concepts that transpire in a public transportation. i wrote about how the concept of 'space' is defined differently among the different modes of transportation. the exciting part was when i went to ride-hop and took pictures of 'space' in jeep, bus (note: ordinary), tryk. pinadevelop ko pa kasi hindi digital camera ko. then asked besi to scan for me. i had little sleep then and a doze of cram the night before the morning deadline, plus the worries because that same night my big sister was texting me that she's on labor. grabe, that was unforgetable.

3. maybe it's about time this blog have its comment space. ok na, i also put trackback as bonus. happeeeee...

4. i don't have class on Friday AGAIN. buti naman. last week, my prof was sick, this time, he's in indonesia. then we'll be bombarded with make up classes next week for this. goodluck. it's ironic though, whenever i don't have class on a Friday night, i also have nowhere to go.. and it's a Friday night. then i get to watch The OC, which is good. but it's a Friday night. people should be out partying, unwinding. i just hope this time, this Friday matuloy na kami. last Friday, i was dying to tell someone/anyone how the day went pero sige wag nalang. just by thinking about that day makes me wanna puke.

5. space between is still playing in my head...

2005-07-29T18:49:00.000-07:00

Let's Go Underwater...

The Team

The Shots

The Human Fish

The FuN

2005-07-27T18:48:00.000-07:00

Be Anyone You Want to Be. Bring to Life Your Fantacy.

1. i had a 'funny' class last night... funny, just recalling makes me feel funny... (i'l tell tomorrow. class ko nanaman e. have to leave before it strikes 5. and just to remind myself tomorrow, iv to post a sabotage-picture i took from my sis' usb)

So there, im back after one sleep. As promised, here's a stolen (per se) picture of my sis and her friends during their lab(oratory).

no_evil

physicists talaga o.. when they don't think, they go crazy..

totem_pole

As to my 'funny story', my class the other day on overview of technology and innovation with professor posadas went from boring to somehow smirking-funny. it's a 3-hour running class with break from 8pm-810pm (odb, cr break lang). the first half was really boring, plus the fact that i went absent for work that day because of 'nagbabadyang sakit/lagnat' read: Rest (kasi konting galaw umiikot na ang world) made the period very laidback for me. the thing is, i wasn't able to recite the first half, which is so not-so-me. being the youngest (supposed)in the class gave me the power to say even the most stupid idea and not feel bad about it. dr posadas grades, as in marks every inch of our contribution to class discussion and that system comprises 10% of final grade. so there, everyone was bombarding the class with this and that contribution while i remain silent. but a-ugh (waive right hand opposite the direction of neck gesture).. not just i, but also chimpanzee.. (go ahead smolts say it: sabi na nga ba tungkol to ke chimp.) and so i wonder why oh why is he not reciting like mwaH? second half: i find this urge to raise my hand even for once. then there i go again with my strong-stupid ideas. then boom, alas! he did recite too. deconstruction, people deconstruction! is he or is he not just waiting for mwaH to fell off before he does? then i go recite again. then he goes recite again. funny-happy grr.. well whatever made me control my smile is one controling freak. hump, what a happy-funny class that was. yeah, not funny to you (smolts). but this is my world, man. step aside.

balarns to marc, apol, smolts, zara: 'well, i am the truth in my world. when i say it's a bye-bye eyes, it's a bye-bye eyes.. not the rain, not the drizzle, not the fact that it's almost pass the devil's hour.. it's the bye-bye eyes!'

To Karen ---> got your post. ok lang ako. iisurya ko nalang sa Xmas break. just don't remind me that it's moot and academic. goodluck ha.. and iv got bad news: the cd is corrupted. huhu sori.

2005-07-20T18:47:00.000-07:00

alanis.com art*
Stephen Thompson

2005-07-19T18:46:00.000-07:00

WisHing & hoPinG & tHiNkinG & pRayiNg, pLaNNing & drEamiNg...

1. get through with SingTel case analysis.. this has been so dragging and i only have few devoted workers in my team. being disappointed with the oldest member for arguing in circles and sometimes out of circle, being sad that the only 'tunok' doesn't have time to think the case through.. sayang matatalino pa naman.. blessed but bothered that some just wait for instructions.. then i just wanna scream (initiative!!!!). wala na, umaandar na ang pagkaOC ko. we should think of a new strategy of going about the next case. the Ford system doesn't work, sabog pa rin ang paper and it's due on Friday. gr..

2. wildthorberry, did not shine his shoes.. hindi rin gano Tide-white and socks nya. he's getting messier and messier everytime. but he's still that. last night, he went straight to UP to fetch the apple. i wonder who could that be in the business room. hmm think think.. everything (maybe just almost) i've planned before is to be that apple.

3. went home tired and texted Apple of #2. damnation, frustration, gaga ka kasi. and i should be talking to myself when i told Myk: 'ano ka ba, don't let anybody control yourself'.. odb.. talk to the hand balarns, talk to the mirror rather. You are out of his league.. (repeat many times)

4. or is he out of mine?

5. i need to see little sis today. will go to Molave straight from class. my big sis is just the sweetest ever.. i'll never trade my blood sisses for anything. my so called sorority is also a booster. now more than ever, i have them at my back.. Apple, who texted last night if i were 'ok na' as if i've been through great pain.. actually Pol, this is not pain-pain, this is empty pain, Sarah and Zara, and of course bestfriend Tin and Smolts. Dani too, who once called me in text, accused pala not called-->too euphemistic, accused me of being a sparetire.. ok, where did that come from..what were we talking about? mechanics?

6. i saw Jam's blog and he posted songs he dig now. My songs now are: You Learn (unplugged) by Alanis, Sleeps With BUtterflies by Tori Amos, Screaming Infidelities (unplugged) by the vocalist of Dashboard, Time to Talk by Open Hand, Hologram (edited) by No Lindsay, Save Yourself by Sense Field. most of these are Emo haha.. emotional. yeah emotional so Hwhaaat?!!

7. but just to clarify, wildthornberrys is not my ruler. my mindset still stands, i can't be deserving that chimpanzee..(to save yourself Smolts with that off-name) i deserve better, always.

8. i can't wait for Friday. Friday... can't wait!

9. yesterday i doubted if the Ironic link in this blog is really sang by Alanis. listen... hear? she said 'gracias' in the end. then i checked the site, it's real Alanis, singing for a Spanish crowd. i so like unplugged.. accoustic, step aside.. except Time to Talk and Save Yourself.

2005-07-11T18:45:00.000-07:00

LoLa's 90th BiRtHday BaSH
the other FriDay (1 July) i was so in a hurry to finish my 6-9pm graduate class to catch up for the Naga-bound bus set to leave at 9:30pm. luckily, my sister and cousin were early in the terminal and they bought me my seat already. i literally immediately ran after the prof announced a dismiss, grabbed a cab, and in seconds i was off to cubao. 8 hours later, we set foot in Naga, that same place, same breeze atmosphere that is missing in Manila. The party was set in the afternoon. We were so excited to go to Bula. Little did i knew that it was a start of an exhausting (and exhaustive) weekend. I had on and off sleeps in the bus ride, worse, most of the times i was kept awake by the cold temperature. It was Amihan Bus, by the way. Our fave bus now, the Isarog, had an early departure, around 8pm. By that time, i was still in my class. The driver claimed that that oh-so cold temperature was practically the highest temperature so they didn't have a way to remoderate the control. Lesson Learned: Do not ride a provincial bus w/o a comfy blanket. At home i tried to make up for my lost sleep, but i felt still my sleeps weren't enough. I got up at 12nn and prepared to fetch my sister in her office so we'd go together to the party. My parents and lot and migs went early to help out with the preparations. I was the party's official photographer so i didn't have pictures of myself, just this family photo taken after the afternoon mass. That's my lola in the maria clara attire. We call her Inay, same as how my parents call her. She's my only living grandparent. My papa's parents died before my parents met. I haven't seen any picture of my grandparents on my father side. My lolo, or Itay, my mom's father died in the late 80s.

the party was packed with lots of neighbors. you see, in the province, even if you are not a family member you'd feel part of the family. my tita's and cousin's were quite annoyed of the gate crashers. note: our ancestral house do not have a gate that's why. the house is situated near the church, along a river, which serves as our backyard. the place was extremely crowded with all of the relatives and non-relatives roaming around. the rose offering took some time to be organized because of the many cousins, nephews and neices lined up.

in the late evening my tita sponsored a contest participated by the couples. my parents won the event. it's a how-well-you-know-your-spouse type of game, where partners should have the same answer for a given question like 'who is your wife's bestfriend', 'what is your husband's trait that you dislike the most', 'how many times you say iloveyou in a day'.. questions like that. we were really happy not only since our parents won, but also because we've proven that our parent knew eachother that well. below is a picture of my parents' cheering 'squad' taken by my sister.

2July San Roque Bula, Camarines Sur

we spent the night at the house, where we almost didn't have a place to sleep. again i had little rest. on sunday, my relatives prepared to leave for noon back to manila. lotx and i decided not to go with the roadtrip and grab a bus on that night. we were thinking we could still spare some afternoon with the family, instead of starting a travel. my sisters and i met at mcdo that afternoon and bonded with clothes, mami and cosmo. on our way home, we bought a roasted chix for dinner. at 9pm, lotx and i were boarding that same Amihan-cold bus, to manila. i was happy sis and i had a blanket with us. but for some reason, the temperature was way high, as in persperating-high taht again kept me awake most of the time. we were back in manila early monday. i went straight to bath then straight to the office. the entire monday, 4 july, was a long wait to sleep. finally, i had a good sleep, monday night. and woke up late the following day. on tuesday i went to work at 10:30am. that's how exhausting my weekend was, but it's all worth it.

2005-07-07T18:44:00.000-07:00

mY PMS famiLy
when i hear my friends complain about the people they work with, i feel blessed. i am lucky to have one pack of astute, fun-loving, and intimate colleagues. of course there are subgroups within this social structure, primarily the oldies and the yuppies but nothing really matters when we get to do some stuffs together, where we get to know eachother better. 'in my mind' (pauso ni cong. escudero, instead of saying 'i think')our staff is the closest among the staffs in the office. that's why i feel so blessed. my favorite colleagues are sittie (because we're the youngest, and we share the same interest such as music, and mountains, and beaches, and clothes), myk (because he's my neighbor station, 45degrees turn and boom, he's there. i can talk to him about politics and economics of farmraising vis-a-vis hograising and other effective investments to no end. we also go to school together so basically he's always a companion), tita susan (our bigboss secretary is my mom in the office), and a lot more (leah, grace, tin, tito mon, tito arsing.. )

the pictures were taken last may, during our teambuilding activity. it's an annual event, which we regard as a break in our hectic workload ;p in the activity, the staff was separated in color groups. i was part of the yellow team, with sittie (that girl with the cute shorts), lei (my kumare in 'we love paul' fanclub), tita susan (my fostermom at extreme left), our bigboss (who is also my crush and who, my friends comment looks like our college prof; at extreme right), and the rest of the oldies. myk is also my teammate but is not in the pic. above, he wears a yellow shirt.

the blue team won in this activity, but we took the win in the night's brain contest.

thus, we were the overall winner. it's funny, even the oldies have vibrant attitudes too..

27-28May Zambales

2005-07-06T18:43:00.000-07:00

Mayon, Weird Animals and that Little Kubo
this happened the first weekend of May. i went home to spend mother's day (may 8) with my family. on that same weekend, my mom scheduled my lola's eye operation in Legaspi City, so we could all go. we planned to spend friday night in LC since my lola still had to rest after a day's operation. our house in Naga is a 5-hour drive to LC. I remember immediately after we left the house, we prayed the rosary for the trip's safety. that's how religious my mom could get. along the way also (after the rosary say) my older sister (monae) had an upset stomach, causing us to stop at a strange gas station. we had a good trip. my parents and lola went straight to the hospital while we (monae, lots, migs and maricel) started our shopping, window and non-window at gaisano. gaisano, although small compared to manila malls, is one of the (if not the only) jampacked malls in LC. migs called it 'joy-sai-no'. took us time to figure out what he was refering to. the mall location was strategic coz from the parking you could see mt. mayon in full.

night came and we were really tired, basically from roaming around gaisano, migs riding the escalator (becase we don't have it in NC mall), and us looking for a nice mother's day gift. the operation went well but it ended very late at around 10pm(?). for that, we slept late, and woke up on an early saturday morning. that morning, my lola was scheduled for a check-up so we left our foster house at around 7am. here are pictures of us and the beautiful mayon taken at our foster house..

the hospital was just few minutes away so my mom decided to drop by at LC's parks and wildlife /aka zoo/. we were really excited, being the first visitors of the day. the park required 20pesos entrace fee but it's all worth it. we saw a lot of awesome animals like the group of white owls sleeping with their left leg bent, a bird with a pierced heart, really big snakes, running ostrich, boisterous monkeys and more. good thing about it is that we were the only visitors there at that early time. you can still see the fog at the slope where the horse-like animals graze.

6-7May Legaspi City
sunday came, mother's day. unlike some filipino familie who go out to eat lunch in celebration of mother's day, we opted to have lunch just in our place. yeah, budget constraints too. of the days of the week, now when i go home, sundays are the most special ones. it's when we hear mass at st. jude parish at 11am and we have lunch at our kubo at the backyard. it's also our (lotx'&my) departure day, for on monday we'd have class/work in manila. so that's what we basically do on mother's day: hear mass (sis/monae saw a boy in the church wearing that same superman shirt), eat lunch at kubo (sis and lotx bbqing the pork and chix; you see my papa eating, mama and migs. when i go back to manila, and find myself eating meals alone, i always remember this time.

8May2005 Mother's Day back Home

2005-06-16T18:42:00.000-07:00

click title for the song.
WHITER SHADE OF PALE

We skipped the light fandango
Turned cartwheels cross the floor
I was feeling kind of seasick
The crowd called out for more
The room was humming harder
As the ceiling flew away
When we called outfor another drink
But the waiter brought a tray

*and so it was later
As the miller told his tale
That her face at first just ghostly
Turned a whiter shade of pale

You said there is no reason
And the truth is plain to see
But I wander through my playing cards
And would not let it be
I’m one of the sixteen virgins
Who are leaving for the coast
And although my eyes were open
They might just as well been closed

click here for classic version

2005-06-16T18:41:00.000-07:00

click title for the song.
IRONIC

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic ... don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought ... it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
'Well isn't this nice...'
And isn't it ironic ... don't you think

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

It's a traffic jam when you're already late
It's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic... don't you think
A little too ironic... and yeah I really do think...

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

2005-06-15T18:41:00.000-07:00

click title for the song.
VINDICATED

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated
Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that i am
So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away
Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

2005-05-17T18:40:00.000-07:00

with officemates like these...
beFore

aFter
who needs a chaser?

April-May transition 5pm-7am@very-FarView tulog.

2005-05-16T18:38:00.000-07:00

yesterday was quite a thrill for me. At 6am, i was up and ready for my first formal exposure to graduate studies. sundays for me now would be intended to a series of preparatory workshops and yesterday was marketing day. for the next 3 sundays, i'll be learning about production and operations management, accounting, and effective business communication. i missed the session on general management held the other sunday, but the master program was kind enough to allow me to enroll to some major courses that do not prereq general management. i guess the non-inclusion of marketing and commercialization as course that i could take was just a punishment for not attending the first session. anyway, il have to take that workshop next time, next summer.
yesterday was exciting because it was my first time to meet my batchmates for the program. i felt a little left out early on since the rest of the class met a week ago and they became a little bonded because of the take-home group assignment. so, ok. i made few acquaintances here and there: mari, kat, may, abi, meredith, leslie, ruth, jon-two, catarina, odet, lani etc. the batch is composed of technical-oriented people, a lot of them are engineers, most of them work for technology-centered companies: this guy, paul,works for an on-line gaming something.. 'cool', lani works for intel, jet, works for adb's library, there was one also connected with adb as a consultant -- but this man is somehow in his 40s already, with a very grown-up voice and attitude. i suppose most of them are in their late 20s to early 30s. some like these 3 people from the last row (of the same company) and may and abi from siemens are at most 25 years old. /xxxxxxxxxxxxxxeditedoutxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx/ somehow it makes me feel initially inadequate but we still have to see come school opening. i haven't spoken the entire workshop except for the time the instructor asked my undergraduate since i work in an economic-intensive environment, then i said 'communication research'. ok so that's more on business-oriented not marketing, he commented. that's just about it. /xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxeditedoutxxxxxxxxxxxxx/. anyway, the workshop ended well. i found out i knew most of the marketing concepts from my major classes in mass comm but do little application of such in my work. i felt also that i paid too much for that one-day lecture. value for good education is rising nowadays. my collegues pay for around 500 per unit for a graduate program, this program rates to more than 1,000 per unit. it's very expensive considering that these programs are offered by the same school (although relatively cheap compared to other business schools). /xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxeditedoutxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx/. il bear with this (edited) for now. the future is bright.

2005-05-11T18:37:00.000-07:00

On Objectivism.
My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute. A. Rand
Objectivism is the philosophy of rational individualism founded by Ayn Rand (1905-1982). In novels such as The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged, Rand dramatized her ideal man, the producer who lives by his own effort and does not give or receive the undeserved, who honors achievement and rejects envy. Rand laid out the details of her world-view in nonfiction books such as The Virtue of Selfishness and Capitalism: The Unknown Ideal.

Objectivism holds that there is no greater moral goal than achieving happiness. But one cannot achieve happiness by wish or whim. Fundamentally, it requires rational respect for the facts of reality, including the facts about our human nature and needs. Happiness requires that one live by objective principles, including moral integrity and respect for the rights of others. Politically, Objectivists advocate laissez-faire capitalism. Under capitalism, a strictly limited government protects each person's rights to life, liberty, and property and forbids that anyone initiate force against anyone else. The heroes of Objectivism are achievers who build businesses, invent technologies, and create art and ideas, depending on their own talents and on trade with other independent people to reach their goals.

Objectivism is optimistic, holding that the universe is open to human achievement and happiness and that each person has within him the ability to live a rich, fulfilling, independent life. This idealistic message suffuses Rand's novels, which continue to sell by hundreds of thousands every year to people attracted to their inspirational storylines and distinctive ideas.

http://www.objectivistcenter.org/objectivism/faqs/wthomas_faq-what-objectivism.asp

2005-04-24T18:36:00.000-07:00

UhhhmBErto ECO-adik

That was when I saw the Pendulum.
The sphere, hanging from a long wire set into the ceiling of the choir, swayed back and forth with isochronal majesty.
I knew -- but anyone could have sensed it in the magic of that serene breathing -- that the period was governed by the square root of the length of the wire and by pi, that number which, however irrational to sublunar minds, through a higher rationality binds the circumference and diameter of all possible circles. The time it took the sphere to swing from end to end was determined by an arcane conspiracy between the most timeless of measures: the singularity of the point of suspension, the duality of the plane's dimensions, the triadic beginning of pi, the secret quadratic nature of the root, and the unnumbered perfection of the circle itself.
I also knew that a magnetic device centered in the floor beneath issued its command to a cylinder hidden in the heart of the sphere, thus assuring continual motion. This device, far from interfering with the law of the Pendulum, in fact permitted its manifestation, for in vacuum any object hanging from a weightless and unstretchable wire free of air resistance and friction will oscillate for eternity...

"I have never doubted the truth of signs, Adso; they are the only things man has with which to orient himself in the world. What I did not understand is the relation among signs . . . I behaved stubbornly, pursuing a semblance of order, when I should have known well that there is no order in the universe." "But in imagining an erroneous order you still found something. . . ." "What you say is very fine, Adso, and I thank you. The order that our mind imagines is like a net, or like a ladder, built to attain something. But afterward you must throw the ladder away, because you discover that, even if it was useful, it was meaningless . . . The only truths that are useful are instruments to be thrown away."

"You will recognize liars: when they laugh, they have dimples in their cheeks, and they keep their fingernails closely trimmed... "

Some things you can feel coming. You don't fall in love because you fall in love; you fall in love because of the need, desperate, to fall in love. When you feel that need, you have to watch your step: like having drunk a philter, the kind that makes you fall in love with the first thing you meet. It could be a duck-billed platypus.

source:http://www.fortunecity.com/meltingpot/nicaragua/1105/umbertoeco.html

2005-04-04T18:35:00.000-07:00

Post-ApriL Fools
L-R: this person texts like hell :
still thinking :sorry but he's taken :
si dan, namimigay ng foood!:
nakatulog na sa starbucks :
modus operandi: meet out new recruit:
marc, texting (again) dan eating :
jollibee - now serving singkamas:
fresh singkamas available from 12md to 4am :
etong mukhang to e mag31 na sa 11april:
dani: could that be love marc is feeling right now :
ain't no mountain high - high na high si marc

2April2005Saturday6:00pm-4:00am
Yoshinoya,Wendys,Starbucks,Jolibee

2005-03-28T18:34:00.000-08:00

I am not ambidextrous
such that i don't use both hands with equal facility. But

I use my left hand to:
+write
+bowl
+eat with bare hands
+drink from cup
+use/answer cell-/phone

I use my right hand to:
+cut with knife/scissors
+eat with utensils
+play pool
+play musical instruments

On my ambidextous-wanna-be moments, i tried writing with my right and my sister joked to have understood my right handwriting than my left. tsk. then it occurred to me, i might be better off as right-handed. why did pre-school allowed me to write with my left? law school could have been a reality if not with my poor penmanship. on the other hand, i play badminton with my right, and when i missed a shot, i have this tendency to use my other hand, my left to redeem myself. i also make crazy-beautiful artworks with my left. but i serve and spike (*) volleyball with my right and so far, it's been doing quite well. whatever hand one uses in writing is the most common classification for handedness. when one writes with both, with equal manner ergo, ambidextricity. but i am not. for now, i choose to be classified with the rest of the few percentage of left-handed people, who, as i've researched, are 6x likelier to die in an accident and 4x likelier to die while driving. (morbid huh) note to self: while you cut things with your right, you stab with your left. (really morbid! im freaking myself out..)

2005-03-08T18:33:00.000-08:00

Mini Adventure

through a Mini-Cave

view after the crawl

at the Mini-Cove

and non-Mini Cove Waves

6March2005Sunday8:30amPG-WhiteBeachXR

2005-03-02T18:32:00.000-08:00

hey sis! surprise!!!

little sister in her humble abode
Molave OpenHouse

2005-02-28T18:31:00.000-08:00

PerFect-imPerFections
What's good about my friends is that they're not perfect. Once I said to Tin that she's fat and that she needs to slim down. She was offended, i know. I realized that even before I asked, even before she answered blankly. Dani annoys hyper-sensitive people while Smolts creates problems of her own. Marcus hates routine as Epol hates slimes. And Zara, well she snobs the unlikeables. The others have flaws too, here and there -- and worse than what I've accused to some of my closests. But these few people showed a different level of truthfulness, beyond what's in there. Sometimes the most vivid statement could be as fake as a vague confession, vis-a-vis. And sometimes too, the most fake are the most perfect. I've met some friends who'd make you go in circles through indefinite lines, through winning projections. They, up to now, do not have my trust. Some are humble with their perfections, however, false humility is the worst form of arrogance -- (got this from Marc). You want to see true humility, get to know my little sister. False humulity is all around. It's difficult. It's difficult to distinguish one from the other - a trust-worthy from a passer-by. Very difficult. So for now, I'd stick with these few, with some little or more attractive imperfections.

love you bes; smolts miss na kita; dani watch tayo ng movie uli; marc you made a mark - pakita ka naman; epol everything you say i believe; zara it's carzy&fun sharing common interests with you. thanks guys for your friendship.

nb: such a college chapter. jo,lyn,ren +wag magtampo.